This post isn’t necessarily theoretical; it’s more like “Dear Diary”. I’m sure I’ll regret posting it in the morning, but…I feel safe with you all, and I just want to express my thoughts on this. On the one hand, I don’t want BonesTheory to be a ‘reactionary’ blog; I really want to continue to dig deep and discuss the show as a series from a literary perspective. And writing about my feelings about Hannah seems to be reactionary. But to be honest, I feel I need to share my thoughts.
What is so difficult for me to handle right now is that Hannah is so pretty. Of course she is, though, right? I mean…Booth’s gorgeousness is no secret. He would naturally pair up with someone incredibly attractive: tall, blond, young, thin, sexy, gorgeous, confident, all of it. But it is what sort of makes me nervous, and I think I’m projecting my own insecurities there. I’m not any of those things, and I think I’m judging Hannah because she is. No matter how nice she is, she represents the opposite of me and is the kind of woman that has always been intimidating to me.
Imagine this scenario…you’re walking to the library on campus and a guy comes up and walks beside you. He asks how your classes are going and what you’re going to do for the weekend. And it’s nice…random conversation, but nice. But then, he adds, “So…would you put in a good word for me with __________?” and you can fill in the blank with the name of your best friend. That kind of thing happened to me all the time. Sometimes the guys were jerks and sometimes they weren’t. I always managed to laugh it off to myself later, and of course, I’d tell the best friend in question. And we’d laugh. But there would always be this tiny part of me that would blink and think… “I just got used. Someone pretended to get to know me for the express purpose of hooking up with someone else.”
I’m not saying that Booth is using Brennan to get to Hannah; I don’t think anyone thinks that. It’s more that underlying feeling of being passed over for gorgeous people…it makes me nervous for Brennan.
Brennan is pretty, but what I find beautiful about her is her awkwardness in expressing affection, in the way she tries to tell jokes and fails, and when she’s passionate in the way she cares for the people in her life. To coin her phrase, those things are beautiful to me. And what is making me break out into hives is the idea that Booth will eventually miss out on it because of how pretty Hannah is. I feel like I NEED Booth to know and love Brennan. Does anyone else feel that way? I’m fully admitting that it’s my own issue that I’m projecting onto the scenario. Each of us (or maybe just me) wants to have someone in our lives who knows all the crap and is still dazzled. And the idea that someone like Booth…who is completely out of my league, hello… that he might be really interested in someone like Brennan and then maybe someone like Hannah…it sort of just makes me feel insecure. I’m nervous for Brennan because I’m really nervous for myself. Why wouldn’t Booth want to be with Hannah? Why would someone like Brennan be more attractive to him than Hannah? Why would someone know the real me and not be more interested in someone else, you see what I’m saying?
Maybe that’s the very reason I shouldn’t be nervous. We’ve been told that Booth knows the truth of Brennan and that he’s dazzled by that truth.
So maybe I’m just being dumb. Maybe worrying about Hannah or not liking the show as much because she’s on it is the same as Angela not wanting to be friends with Brennan ‘because the pig is cute’, aka…sort of missing the big picture. Is that too harsh? I guess if it is, it still doesn’t change the way I feel about it.
I’m not trying to open up a discussion on how Booth has “changed”, because I’m not so sure he has. First of all, we’ve never seen him at the beginning of a relationship, except, interestingly enough, with Brennan. He was VERY gung-ho about her and absolutely would have slept with her that night after he fired her. If that had gone well, he would have probably proposed, haha. Talk about moving fast! But with every other relationship, we’ve never really seen the beginning. We saw the end of Tessa and Rebecca and with Cam, all we saw was a mutual hook-up of affection and sex. There’s something about Booth’s excitement and fast pace with Hannah that strikes me as accurate. But like I said, I’m not trying to dig deep into that.
If I were to put my (spoiler free) swami hat on and look to the future, I’d say that what will happen is that Hannah will figure out that Brennan is in love with Booth. She’ll maybe confront Booth about that, and Booth will deny it, or at the very least, say that he doesn’t care about that; he’s with Hannah and he’s happy with her. But Hannah will have come to care for Brennan so much that she’ll re-think her relationship with Booth. At which point, Booth becomes furious at Brennan for ruining things. And he’ll yell at her, and the bear poop will hit the fan and Brennan will be crushed. And then…something else will happen. Something that had better make all of this angst worth it.
Something that will make our love and devotion for the show worth it. And awkward, bad at jokes and worse with pop-culture references Temperance Brennan will be loved by emotional, desperate to love and be loved Seeley Booth.
And as for me, well…I’m going to try my best not to judge Hannah because she just happens to seem practically perfect in every way. And I’m going to try my best not to judge myself because I happen to not be.
Peace, Love & Bones,