Hey, hey! So, last Wednesday, pal Nicole brought us a great conversation piece about how Brennan touches Booth to keep him close, literally. I loved her point about how they are in a serious relationship, that while it’s maybe not as romantic as we want it to be, there is no questioning that it’s serious. I just thought that was such a perfect way to look at it. Even if it’s not exactly what we want at this time, there is still some honorability to it. Don’t you think? But what also really pleased me was the discussion that happened in the comments about the Five Love Languages.
I’m no expert at them, though I have read all the books. I have to say the idea of the 5 LLs really did change the way I look at people and myself.
I was going to just comment on Nicole’s essay about it, but then I figured it was worth its own discussion, and I’d open it up to everyone to really discuss.
Here’s a little background on them:
The premise is this: Each person works out of a need to love and be loved. However, each person’s expression of love is not the exact same. The key is to figure out a person’s love ‘language’ and be able to ‘communicate’ with him or her in a way that is effective. Each person can have more than one LL, but there is usually one primary one.
The five LLs are as follows:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
One factor I always thought was important to examine was the idea that a person will usually love based out of his or her love language and if a person is angry with someone, he or she will most likely withhold ‘love’ by using his or her love language. This is ineffective, as the ‘someone’, if he or she does not share the same LL will not notice that love is being withheld.
For example, if person A’s LL is Touch, but person B’s LL is Quality Time, person A could be mad at person B and decide not to touch them. Person B will not notice that this is happening, and he or she will be happy as person A will still be in the same room, and quality time will still be happening.
So when considering Booth and Brennan, I think it’s important to ask ourselves:
- How does each express love?
- Is that a reflection of a recognition of how his/her partner wants to be loved, or a reflection on how he/she wants to be loved?
I’ll toss out my opinions here, and then you all can discuss if you want.
I think Booth’s Primary LL is Touch, and his secondary LL is Quality Time. He is most affected when Brennan touches him (Soldier on a Grave, Mayhem on a Cross, End in the Beginning) and when she is just…with him (ConMan in the Meth Lab, Bond in the Boot). This is also how he expresses his love for her (Woman in Limbo, Pain in the Heart…either with hugs or just letting him lean on her, or just showing up with food).
With Brennan…it’s a little trickier. I think her primary LL is actually Gifts, and I think her secondary one is Words of Affirmation. She loves getting gifts from Booth, and I think she recognizes them as love (maybe). And if she wants to make someone feel ‘loved’ (though she may never say this), she will try to compliment him or her. Of course, she doesn’t always say the right thing…but I don’t think that changes the fact that it’s her way of expressing affection. I think Nicole was right when she said that Brennan touches Booth in order to keep him close, but that might not necessarily be a love thing, and just more of a desperation thing…or just a desire to be close to him.
Well, what do you think? How do Booth and Brennan express love, and in which ways do they seem most eager to receive love? Can you give examples?