Bones Theory

Morning After Q: Are You Okay?

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Hey there,

Doing alright?

I wanted to check in with you and touch base on ‘the morning after’ and see if you were okay, because frankly…I wasn’t. I asked you last Friday how you kept the faith, and I was so pleased with your answers. If you feel the need to revisit this, then check this out!

I watched the episode last Thursday night, and I was stunned by it. As Brennan was processing her reaction to Lauren, I was processing my reaction to Brennan. It gives me a headache to think about it, but it’s true. Brennan’s struggle was like a mirror to me, and I felt crushed under the weight of the reality in my own life.

Why do I still have hope in B&B? Because I really want to have hope in myself. Why did I cry myself to sleep that night? Because of the loneliness I see in my future.

Sorry to be kind of a downer, but I’m just being honest. You may have noticed that my posts on Friday, Saturday and Sunday were sort of faith-less. Some of you even emailed me about them, telling me that it was clear I was having some sort of crisis, and I should keep the faith.

I’ll show you fear and a handful of dust.

That’s where I was emotionally for about two days after I watched the episode, and while I was watching it.

When Brennan grew nervous at first, I was nervous. When she felt like she was explaining the truth and no one believed her, I was anxious. When Hannah told her and Booth that she didn’t like their fighting, I practically shouted, “Who the frak asked you!?!? GO AWAY! Goawaygoawaygoawaygoaway!!!!” Yes, it was childish, and in hindsight, I’m glad that Booth tossed that aside in favor of ‘bickering’ or whatever he was going to say. Brennan on the other hand, had more of a childish reaction, yelling at Booth and taking their bickering personally.

The only reason I’m telling you all of this is so that if you are feeling slightly off about it, well…you’re not alone. If I’m the only one…well, it wouldn’t be the first time. I’m feeling much better now; time has a way of doing that. Time, and talking it over with other people, of course. Again, I’m only bringing it up now as a validation to anyone else who may have felt even a bit of that. My GMMR post  (here) was somewhat clear headed, but if I would have had to write it last night, it would have been a disaster. And while I believe everything I said in it, I wrote it on Tuesday, five days after watching the episode. I wanted to share with YOU my initial, albeit kind of gritty, reaction to the episode. It seemed only fair since you all would be discussing it here for the first time. And for me, I needed time to process, a place to discuss it. Even then, I was too close to it to see what was really happening. I was having a Brennan experience while watching her have an experience.

Yeah, exactly. Haha.

I completely understand that I’m projecting. That I’m a 30 year old woman who loves her job and has no children is not a secret. Most days, I’m happy with that, but for some reason, after this episode, I was just completely struck by loneliness. Okay, disclaimer…by the time I’d finished watching it, it was 3 AM, so yes…I was somewhat not clearheaded, but still… the principle was there…once again,

 

I’ll show you fear and a handful of dust.

I sort of felt ashamed of the amount of time and love I’ve spent on this show. Not that I didn’t like the episode, because I really did. It’s more that I was literally sobbing at the end, and sort of also aware that I was doing it. “You should not be reacting like this,” “Don’t you think I know this? Tell that to my broken heart,” “Your broken heart has nothing to do with this show and everything to do with the fact that you are lonely.” This is the conversation I had with myself. #Yes,IKnowIHaveIssues, hahaha.  But for the first time ever, I thought… “I can’t do this anymore”. Again, I’m not mad or dissatisfied or spamming BONES sites anonymously with “BONES SUCKS!” posts or anything like that. I’m not mad…I was just crushed. Stunned. Heartbroken. And as Thursday turned into Friday, I found myself dwelling on it, thinking about Booth’s rescuing Brennan, how vulnerable she was, and how her confession was painful for both of them. And I cried a bit more. And on Saturday morning, I woke up and sort of stared at my computer, wondering what to write about, realizing that my wishes for Brennan to ‘get a clue’ were somewhat prophetic (though I don’t claim to be the only one who thought that) and self-serving in that I didn’t really weigh how much it would cost for her to get a clue. And the reality was that her getting a clue meant I needed to get a clue. And that was/is painful sometimes.

It’s more that I felt like I had to present this completely happy, confident, hope and patience and eventually and someday and there’s someone for everyone face, and I just didn’t have it in me, and I didn’t know if I would again. Not for B&B, because even despite all of this, I could still understand that it’s fiction and B&B will get together, and it will be awesome. I could still understand this at the basic level, but for the first time ever, it didn’t make a difference. And it’s because BONES was too personal for me. Dearest Pal Ashley K and I joked the other night that BONES used to be our escape; now it’s the most angsty thing in our lives! What is THAT about???

Normally after an episode like this, I would take some time off from Bones. The season four finale was one such episode, and likewise the 100th episode. I just needed perspective and peace and quiet in some ways. With Bones Theory, that doesn’t seem realistic, and frankly, I don’t want to take a break. I’m just sorting through it all, that’s all! It’s just ironic that the thing that has sort of captured my life is also the thing that is telling me that it might be unhealthy, haha.  

Maybe my posts might seem a bit frivolous (as in I’ve already begun the Top Five Places I want to Touch Booth, starting with this…

I don’t want to talk about the angst all of the time, but I also don’t want to avoid it. Bones Theory is kind of unique…actually, it’s VERY unique!…It’s not a forum, but it’s also not a TV fan site or news site or even just MY blogging anymore, so I think we’re all sort of figuring this out together. Appreciate your graciousness in all of that! Several of you have emailed me already, which I love. Some of you have decided to take a break from Bones for awhile, and I get that. Some of you have new theories you’re desperate to explore, and I get that too. Anyone who wants to email me at sarahinprint@yahoo.com is welcome to do that. Sometimes you just have to lay everything out on paper. It’s funny, because even as I was thinking that I really wasn’t sure I could write about BONES any longer after I watched the ep, I opened up my computer and wrote out about 3 pages of feelings, emotions and reactions I didn’t want to forget. Like this…

People say, “It’s just a TV show; it shouldn’t affect you like that.” Don’t you think we don’t know this? Like baby ducks, somehow at some time, we’ve been imprinted with Bones, and it’s painful both with and without it. I’m sorry, but this episode was not ‘just an episode of TV’. I’ve never seen a single episode where every MILLISECOND was deliberate and so perfectly done. Never.

And I felt nervous for you all, feeling contradictory hope that you’d be spared the pain I was feeling but also that you’d share in it so I wouldn’t be alone in it. Talking about it is like wearing my emotions on a very public online sleeve, and that’s not easy for me to do sometimes. Then again, we are only known as much as we allow ourselves to be known.

Okay, this MAQ has gone on LONG enough! I was SUPPOSED to be asking about YOU, but instead, I ended up talking more about myself. Tsk tsk! So, let me hear it. Let me know what you loved about the episode, what broke your heart, what still gives you hope and what you’re struggling with.

Peace, Love & Bones!

~S

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49 thoughts on “Morning After Q: Are You Okay?

  1. Oh, Sarah, right now I want to hug you and tuck you in…

    Am I crazy for being ridiculously happy after this ep? I didn’t see that coming, I was prepared for agony and despair, and here I am, grinning like a fool.

    They’re even now. Both have gambled and lost, and neither of them will be able to forget the realization that she made a mistake.

    But that is not the point here.

    Maybe I should say that you’re not like Lauren, not even like Brennan. Look at this blog, the responses you get. Your open heart and brilliant mind touches so many of us day by day. And even though I can ipossibly judge about you as a real life person – I highly doubt that someone who is so amazing socially-wise around here can be lonely in real life.

    And maybe I should say something about me as well: I’ve been in Booth’s shoes. I knew. And he was too scared (yep, men can be like that as well). I hurt over and over and over again, but like a moth to a flame I was drawn to him. I almost destroyed me. I tried to survive, to get distance, to move on. I was with another man just because he was easy and not life-shattering. I needed him and my feelings were candid. But he wasn’t the one I truly loved… Well, long story made short, after 3 years of pain, everything worked out. Slowly, but eventually. That has been 7 years ago, today we’re living together and his love is the pillar of my world.

    Therefore I can understand how Booth is being loyal to Hannah, and that it doesn’t change his love for Brennan. She was the standard. That cannot be forgotten. Just denied. But no one can live in denial forever.

    Sorry for rambling.

    Sarah, stay like you are, keep on being amazing!

  2. Oh Sarah. Thank you so much for explaining all that. I am not ashamed to admit that I’ve been a little bit worried about (you) our fearless leader this past week. I may have a husband and three children (whom I thank God for every day) and I may not have had exactly the reaction to the episode that you had, but I so know what it feels like to be lonely.

    The older I get the less I remember about specific events from when I was younger, but some things imprint deeper than others and never go away. I remember sitting in English class one day my junior year of high school, sixteen and incredibly lonely, wondering why I felt so alone in a crowd of people and why they couldn’t see the pain in my eyes. Maybe Brennan was right about the eyes. Anyway, I’m 32 now and there are times when I am still lonely. Making friends is hard for me. Making close friends is harder. Maintaining relationships with the few close friends I have at a level that keeps that loneliness at bay is even harder. Perhaps that’s why I latched onto you and BT so quickly. What you’ve created here, it makes the loneliness a little easier to handle sometimes.

    As far as the episode is concerned – our HD Fox station cut off the first two minutes so it’s difficult for me to form an opinion of the episode as a whole without a second, complete viewing. I’ve just finished downloading it from iTunes and will hopefully have a chance to watch it from beginning to end later today. That being said, I did go back and rewatch several scenes again (including the SUV scene) last night and although I wanted more, I find that I don’t really have any complaints because it really couldn’t have ended any other way.

    Booth was honest. He wasn’t mean. There was no anger or bitterness. But I could still feel the pain that both of them were feeling. And it struck me (on the second or third viewing) that Brennan never really came out and said what she regretted. Almost everything she said was in relation to Lauren Eames (yes, she said “I don’t want to have any regrets” and “I made a mistake”, but never “I regret saying no to YOU” or “I made a mistake not pursuing a relationship with YOU”) and yet Booth got it. He got it. And now that he “gets it,” now that the cat is officially out of the bag, it’s not going to go away. He will have to choose eventually. But for now, I think I’m okay with him pursuing Hannah, if only because by doing so one day he will one day see what we’ve always seen – that Brennan is the only woman who will ever make him truly whole.

    One last comment before I head off to officially start my day. The conversation in the rain where Brennan explains to Booth how the victim died. She tells Booth that she can’t prove any of it. And Booth tells her it’s okay. He believes her. He believes IN her. That’s hope enough for me.

  3. As I said yesterday (or today, since it was the middle of the night here…) on your GMMR recap, I’m strangely calm and more hopeful than I’ve been all season. I guess I, like Brennan, am glad I finally felt something, even if we both felt sad.

    I think the episode had to happen, she had to not only get to this place but to tell Booth she did. And last night was that; phew, ok, now they both know where they stand and, as was said on Twitter, the real relationship can finally begin.

    As to why I am hopeful, I have absolutely no clue! (LOL) I sure didn’t after the 100th, and last night’s episode felt like Brennan’s 100th. Maybe I feel like this because yesterday Booth was being Booth (he believes in her, he is worried about her, he thinks she’s cool and he saved her! Can it get any Boothier?!) and Brennan was being an even more amazing version of herself, using brain AND heart… Or maybe I feel like this because I’ve recently been in her shoes and I know how much relief she’s feeling after saying something that’s been eating her up… And, believe you me, after doing that, I felt like a million bucks, even if things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to.

    One final comment and a small rant. Comment: the acting was, once again, phenomenal – DB rocks my world and ED is just indescribable! (And yes, that was me ignoring the few illuminating moments we were treated to; maybe I’m also being childish, but just hearing her say “Temprenz” makes me cringe.) Rant: I’m not too crazy about the “she’s not a consolation prize” line; makes me thinks how Brennan might react if/when they get together, would she think she’s the consolation prize? I know I might…

    P.S.: Please, please, pretty please, don’t go taking any breaks; we need BT to survive this ridiculously long hiatus!

  4. First, I will apologize for not commenting on your site before. I check it daily and greatly enjoy the intelligent bones discussion. I have so many thoughts on BONES right now. I identify so much with Brennan that it is incredibly painful for me to enjoy the show right now. I think what I find so sad today is that I believe that Booth is the ONLY one for Brennan. She will never allow herself to be in a healthy intimate relationship with anyone other than him. He is her standard. I was ok with this until this season because I always believed that Brennan was the ONLY one for Booth. I believe that they are soul mates. I believe that no one will ever fulfill him the way that Brennan could, but, I think now it is painfully obvious that Booth can be in a healthy satisfying relationship with someone other than Brennan. Does anyone think that Brennan will ever find her Hannah? Someone who is clearly her second choice, but yet can keep you content? I don’t. For Brennan it is Booth or no one. Booth, however, can function without her. And that hurts me. I don’t blame him. I love Booth because Brennan loves him. But this love story seems very onesided to me now. Not in the sense that Booth is not equally in love with Brennan, but in a way that seems….I don’t know. I don’t have the words to describe what I’m trying to say. I’m just very sad tis morning. But i will keep watching because Brennan needs me. I know she is a fictional character, but I feel like she needs my unconditional support each episode. How pathetic is that?

    • Well, we can have a party of pathetics. I don’t even know if Bones is my favorite show ever (I love it, of course, but Deadwood! Firefly!), but I also feel an inexplicable loyalty to Brennan. Even when she’s being harsh or short-sighted, I usually feel saddest for her (see ep. 100) over anyone else.

  5. Sarah –

    Your post today really helps me. I have always felt that you are able to verbalize the emotions that so many feel when we watch this show – and last night, as I was ‘chatting’ at bonesology – I felt what you’ve written above. I have been having a crisis of faith with the show – it’s been building since ep. 100, and the 9 episodes this season have really shaken me.

    I watched last night – and I expected the ending. The way they had Booth respond is in keeping with what they are showing. But I so wanted to be wrong – I just wanted to see Booth reach out tangibly to her. I believe with all my heart that they could have (somehow in the first 8 episodes, and definitely last night) allowed us to see something from Booth ,the way we do from Brennan. It would not have been cheating to let him acknowledge and touch – friends do that, and the writers have managed to take away so much of what I love about the show. I am struggling under the weight of the show – the change from the first 100 episodes is immense.

    I cried when I read your GMMR review – thank you for that. You are not alone – you know that. So many who post here are in the ‘positivity’ camp – and I so much want to be there. Sometimes I beat myself up about how I’m not loving this SL, if i were ‘mature’ i would be fine with what intellectuallly kind of makes sense. But emotionally, this is really shaking me up – it actually affects my life a bit – it keeps my mood down the day or two afte the ep. The uplifting smiles after Bones eps – those days are long gone.

    I’m right here with you – and I appreciate that you feel you have to be strong and positive for us – know you are not alone. I know I will read this post again, and let myself tear up as I realize that the pain isn’t going anywhere for a while. And that you’ve articulated it so well. I hope I’m strong enough to last – I’m not loving the journey.

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  7. I know last night seems very sad but I have faith that it will work out. I have faith that Booth loves Brennan and Brennan loves Booth. I have faith that Booth and Brennan have finally started to see that silent love is lonely love. Booth says that Hannah is not a consolation prize; but, Sweets believes that is exactly what she is. Booth cannot admit that to himself right now because that makes him vulnerable. That makes him vulnerable to a loneliness that he would find unbearable. He has to decide if Brennans’ change of heart is for real. He has to decide if Hannah is the one for him or if Brennan is. All very scary thoughts for a man who lacks confidence in the goodness of himself.

    I have hated season 6 so far; but, this is a game changer for me. I think the universe is going to finally right itself. I think anyone that heard the story by the security guard about the experiment about turning the world upside down and then its’ righting itself in three days, then puting it right side up again and took time to fix, will see that this is an obvious parrallel of what has been going on since episode 100. The world was turned upside down when Brennan rejected Booth. The world corrected itself but it was still upside down. Now the world has been flipped to right side up and another adjustment will have to be made. That adjustment will end in Booth and Brennan getting together.

    • I hope you are right. I am trying to have faith but it is tough. I just want them to have their friendship back. I have not enjoyed season 6. I did like last night and expected the ending. Booth was a bit more Boothie to me last night. I was much more devastated after the one where Parker met Hannah or the one when Hannah moved in. But they just don’t seem like themselves and I miss them. I miss how they give us hope and I want that back. Since the 100th it has been so much angst and I just want a little hope from them!

  8. I totally understand you. Really do. I think this epi was a kind of wake up call to me too. And the wake up calls never is easy. I’m feeling overwhelmed,amazed,Heartcrushed and Dazzled by the epi and by the Brennan’s redemption.I like to say that since Season 6 began Brennan’s enlightment is for me like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. It’s a hard and longstanding process and i think we watched the Butterfly emerging last night. And i know she’ll start fly high.That’s why i still have hope on B&B. the heartcrushing, the angst we had along w/ Brennan last night is reassuring to me and will be for her too.I can’t stop thinking all of this will worth when B&B will be walking together the same road.

  9. Oh Seels,
    I think my heart just was crushed for you when I read the line “Because of the loneliness I see in my future.” sending you some big cyber hugs. As a single gal myself I can empathise with the feeling of loneliness that you can get when thinking about the future. Whenever I feel myself starting to get lonely I just start reminding myself of all the reasons why I am not alone in this world ie. Family and friends and even work!
    And I think that someone who is warm, honest and open as you are cannot compare yourself too much to Temperance Brennan or Lauren Eames.
    You know it just occurred to me that the episode shows that Brennan is comparing her life with that of Lauren’s and feeling that she is alone but all throughout the episode they show why she isn’t, I mean she has Booth following her into a bad neighbourhood and saving her! She hosts a dinner party, and then has her friends and workmates expressing their concern several times. If she had kept to being objective she would have realised how much they all care and that’s a nice thought (about them caring I mean).
    It is awful when you feel that loss of hope in something you are so emotionally invested in. And people who say that “It’s just a TV show; it shouldn’t affect you like that.” I don’t think are worth listening to. Television is just a different way of storytelling to the traditional written word and would anybody say that a well written book shouldn’t affect you?
    I was not long ago on the brink of giving up on Bones but luckily for me I found this blog and now after having a catch up of the last two episodes (Eek I know two weeks without Bones is torture!) I am feeling very happy and I am on a Bones high! So just let me say that I found some very positive instances in the ep.
    *The scene in the car when Booth tells Brennan that Hannah was not a consolation prize, although I did not like hearing it and may have even yelled at the screen, I am glad that that is the way it turned out because it means that Booth is still the honourable character that we all love and that he is now free to realise that although Hannah may be perfect for him she is not “the standard” and Bones is the only one that will do for him (and then Hannah will be no more than an unpleasant memory that will be forgotten). *Booth calling the interns ‘squinterns’ HH is at least taking note of the fans. *Booth correcting Hannah’s arguing to bickering (come on, what is she even doing in Booth’s office while they are discussing a case?).
    So keep the faith, it IS gonna get better, that’s my gut feeling 😀

  10. Sarah
    I totally get what you are saying. I slept for only 3 hours last night because I was thinking about this episode. I too am emotionally invested in this show. My husband doesn’t understand so I come on here with likeminded soul so we can go through this together. I had to log on to GMMR at 1 am last night and I was so happy to see a review from you. Thank you for that.

    I liked this episode and have already tortured myself by watching the SUV scene again. I also agree that Booth was being Booth. He was kind, compassionate, and gentle with her. THis is the Booth we know and love. I love him for being honoralbe. I would have liked him to pull over though so they both could have totally focused on each other. But maybe Booth needed the distraction of driving and not having to look directly at her the whole time. It was a beautiful soul crushing scene.

    Oh and I had the same reaction as you did with Hannah’s comment about them fighting.

    “When Hannah told her and Booth that she didn’t like their fighting, I practically shouted, “Who the frak asked you!?!? GO AWAY! Goawaygoawaygoawaygoaway!!!!” ”

    Yes!! WHo give her the right to say anything about their relationship. She knows nothing of what they have gone through.

    Anyway thank you for always being there for us. I think we would all understand if you wanted to take a step back. 6 weeks is long time to obsess about this. I however look forward to some fluffy posts about where we would like to touch Booth!!!

  11. That episode upset me SO MUCH!

    1. I feel like Hannah being in this episode didn’t add anything to the story besides illustrating how fully she has wedged herself into Booth’s life – helping them with the case, attempting to referee Booth and Brennans argument. It just annoys me. I know that the writers keep saying they have a plan, but truthfully I am just so put off by her and this season. It’s a good thing they are going on hiatus – I need a break.

    2. Again, the writers say they have a plan, but this season I don’t care AT ALL about the actual cases. They know we are all hanging on the Booth and Brennan interaction and that we are all in a tizzy about Hannah….and it just feels like a tactic to get us to keep watching, and as a result I feel the show as a whole lost…something.

    3. Didn’t Sweets or Cam tell Booth that when Brennan opens up he’d better be ready because if she does and is rejected she’d rather die of loneliness than ever open up again? So does this mean that Brennan is going to emotionally close up even worse than she was at the beginning of the season? Seriously, I wouldn’t be able to take that.

    4. That scene rang….awkwardly, to me. I couldn’t get past the fact that he just sat there and let her cry, that he didn’t at least pull over, and that he didn’t look at the road more than twice in that whole exchange. Also, probably in a move that spoke more about their current relationship than any other – he asked if she wanted him to call someone to stay with her. In the past, that would have been him.

    Sigh. I dunno. Maybe I am just oversensitive. Or incredibly impatient. Or maybe I just hate Hannah THAT MUCH. Thanks for letting me vent.

    P.S. I love your site. I love your critical interpretations and your insights. Thank you so much!

    • I agree with the whole crying thing. It seemed pretty insensitive of him… so I figure either a) he’s still angry that she rejected him and can’t bring himself to comfort her or b) he’s being “honorable”– i.e. he knows that if he tried to comfort her, something might have happened, something that he might not have minded but would have been wrong given his current relationship status.

      I just thought of that second one, but it’s giving me some hope, so I’m sticking to it!

  12. Sarah –
    A brilliant post on a brilliant, but heart crushing and hope killing episode.
    Thank you for sharing what is so deeply personal and yet exactly what so many of us are feeling.

  13. I was very near being crushed by this episode as well, but then I read your GMMR review and I started to feel a little better. I talked with my roommate about it, and I started to work up the courage to rewatch that fateful SUV scene. And it broke my heart just as much the second time around. I poured over it for subtleties, analyzing every facial expression. I saw the pain in both of their faces. I felt that same pain as my heart broke.

    But I didn’t worry. Not like I did after the 100th. Why? Because I felt about this episode like I did about the 100th, and the post-100th episodes were some of my favorite episodes of Bones, because of all the subtleties. I know that what happens after this will be good. I may not like it, but I know it’ll be important.

    And then I started focusing on Hannah, both the scenes she was in and what Booth said in the SUV. And, for the first time this season, I got the feeling that all was not right in the state of Denmark for her. Sure, she has had her insecurities about Parker and Booth’s level of commitment (ie, too much of it), but it was the first time I saw…discomfort from her. The scene where she told B&B to stop fighting sticks out in particular. She didn’t say “I hate it when you two fight” in an ironic sort of way, like you do to your friends. The way she said it….it was like she had seen them fight before. And it’s not the fighting itself she’s mad about, its the REASON why they fight.

    And then I saw it: Hannah suspects something. They have made it very clear that Hannah is not stupid. And she knows Booth well enough to know that you don’t fight with someone like that unless there is some deep emotion involved. Oh, she doesn’t know the extent of everything, but I think she’s beginning to develop an inkling that there is something more to the B&B relationship than Booth or Brennan has told her. And that makes her uncomfortable. Which is why she piped up during the fight.

    I know it seems odd, to focus on the tiny bits of Hannah instead of the whole episode about Brennan, but as I said earlier, I’m a fan of the subtleties. Sometimes I think they’re close to the heart of the show. And it’s possible that focusing on Hannah is helping me avoid dwelling on the heart-wrenching-ness of last night’s episode. We all have to deal somehow 🙂

    • Oh, and I meant to add, when Booth said that Hannah was not a consolation prize, I found it very interesting that Booth said “Those are the facts.” Facts. Something that appeals to Brennan, not him. Sure, he says that he loves Hannah, but his final statement on the issue is that “Those are the facts.” If he truly was trying to make the most impact to Brennan, to completely shoot her down, he would have said “That’s how I feel”. And she would have known that that was that.

      But he didn’t. He tried to appeal to her in a way he knew she could understand. And that gesture still proves to me that Booth knows Brennan better than anybody else does–and that he knows that she knows him better than anybody else. She knows that if Booth talks about how he feels, that’s that. But he didn’t. He talked about the facts. That is not that. Not as far as I’m concerned.

      Okay, I’m probably over-analyzing that to much, but it’s the little things that we live off of here.

      • Allison, you’re brilliant.

        I couldn’t shake this feeling when I watched that scene with Hannah that she was acting like a child (NOT childish, mind you) and was begging her parents to stop arguing. That’s the way it felt to me and I was trying to pinpoint what that meant.

        I think you hit it. Perhaps what I was seeing/feeling was the same symptoms for two different causes. What I was actually seeing was Hannah feeling insecure about what was going on, much like what a child feels when they watch their parents fight. However, unlike when a child’s insecurity (about their parents not loving each other anymore), could Hannah’s underlying insecurity be about their being more to their relationship than what is being displayed?

        Obviously, I don’t think Hannah would be conscious about all this, but I wouldn’t doubt that something was stirring in her belly that was making her uncomfortable. Then again, maybe I’m reading too much into it. But still, every time I watch that scene, it reminds me of a child telling their parents to stop arguing. The words are too deliberate to make me think that there’s nothing to it.

        I also love how you pointed out that he said, “That’s the facts” and not “That’s how I feel”. I’m going to chew on that for a while.

  14. I think most people can find an angle from which their life just seems to be a sad sad story, I know I can, but I live in a part of the world where social mores doesn’t allow me to be dwell on it. And loneliness is a strange thing. Surrounding yourself with people doesn’t always work, sometimes it makes you feel even more lonely. On the other hand, even if you are very good at beiing on your own, sometimes loneliness just sneaks up on you and grab you at the throat.

    I only just saw the episode, and it took me two hours, because I had to stop every couple of minutes to wait until my heartbeat returned to normal :). During these breaks I read lots of reviews and comments, and some things surprised or annoyed me:
    – Many people seem to think that after this ep it’s even more unlikely for Booth and Brennan to ever end up together. This surprises me, because all that happened with lasting effect is that Booth now knows how Brennan feels. Isn’t that necessary and what everyone wanted?
    – What endlessly irritates me is that some fans seem to rejoyce in Brennans pain, because she “deserves it for rejecting Booth”. I think (hope) that these are young girls in the ‘Everything that goes wrong is her fault because he is sooooooooooooooo cute phase” I hope they snap out of that because they remind me of women who let themselves be abused by a man who in their mind doesn’t do anything wrong because he is soooooooooo cute.
    – Nobody seems to be sure if Mica is real or a figment of Brennan’s imagination. I see no real reason for him to not be real, but I would also buy him as an imaginary friend too.

    In the end I think the reason it is so hard to see Brennan suffer on the emotions front is because she is so ill equipped to deal with it. That said, she is better at it now than she ever was before, which is probably the reason why all this had to happen now.
    Cheer up people! Don’t let your sadness trick you into thinking there is no hope left.

  15. In case you didn’t see my comment last episode, just don’t see it. Scratch it. My ideas were not incorrect per se but they didn’t play that way which is a good thing after all. Or maybe they did play. Until this episode came around.

    You are right in your conception of Brennan’s awareness. For her to get a clue on something so deeply hidden within herself, she must definitely break down to the core, otherwise how would she come across it? And I really like the way she broke down into it. This will not change the way we see her behaving outwardly, but it will be noticed in some of the way she acts towards others probably. Some small phrases and some small things. She will try to accomodate her new awareness into her logical mind, which will mean a very slow process as she won’t let the new knowledge take her with her, rather she will submit it to the slow pace of logical breakdown mode. I hope it gets done like that, at least.

    The whole “I’ll show you fear and a handful of dust” subject is quite sensible for all human beings. In the same way as you have come to understand it, so did I when I was in school. It is, like you say, a very difficult and very scary concept to understand, especially when you’re not old enough to know what death really means in a life full of people interconnected to each other. If I can confess my own take on the subject, I came to terms with the concept of solitary death and not only I don’t feel any fear of it but I rather prefer to die “so quietly” as Brennan put it. No one around, no one to remember you, making absolutely no mark in the world you trode for decades is my idea of a peaceful death. Because, you know, that is the true concept of Death, the complete disappearance from existance in every aspect of reality. When I was a kid I used to fantasize I died just so people would notice I existed and regret not noticing me when I was alive. Now I know I don’t want that. If I have to die, I want to go quietly, without anyone noticing or remembering I ever existed. I don’t want to be remembered, I want to be forgotten by time. Why would anyone want that? Because I understand pain and loss and regret now and I want to put no one in a position where they’ll have to feel that for me.

    Sadly, I made my mark in the world just by being born, which means someone will have to feel the consequences of my existence. Everyone goes through the dark veil to the other world alone, but nobody dies without affecting the people around them. Know that by being alive and interacting to people, you already mean something to them and to your world. Everybody dies alone, but nobody dies without somebody remembering them.

    That said, I hope nobody feels the way I do because it’d be sad for the people who care about them. I also hope it brings another take on the whole concept of the meaning of dying. I hope. And let me tell you, no matter how much you fear dying with no one around, you are never alone. You’ve got friends, you’ve got memories built. You’ll never die alone and unremembered.

  16. As I tweeted last night after I watched the episode, this was one of the few episodes that I cried watching it the first time. And it affected me deeply. My roommate, who is also a fan of BONES, wasn’t able to watch it and she asked me how it was. I told her it was good. It was so good. And she asked if it had a happy ending. I was honest and said no. It was painful and it hurt. And it made me think about my life.
    I know a show is important if it makes me re-evaluate my life. This episode totally did it for me. It probably didn’t help that my mom wrote the family Christmas letter and it really affected me that I got a total of three sentences that showed how much I don’t have. I work two jobs and go to school full time. It just hit me hard and I think it’s because of Brennan struggling with her own mortality and just disappearing. Nobody to miss her. What I think she failed to see was that there are people who would miss her.
    Overall, this episode was painful, deep, and very well done. I debated watching it again to catch everything and keep it in my mind but I think I just need some time to process it.
    I loved that Booth was there to save her. The fact that he admitted to following her just showed how much he does still care. And he really is a good man who is faithful to the women he currently ‘loves’. That says a lot about a man.
    I really liked this episode. It’s painful but oh-so good. It’s a heartcrushing one but the thing about pain is the growth that comes with it. I’m very excited to see how Brennan is when we come back in January.

  17. I love your insite. I identify most with Brennan as a character. Like her, I am single and childless. I have made this choice for myself. This is how I will be happiest in my life. I am often misunderstood because of this. You’re not with someone, or married and have no children? What is wrong with you? Nothing! It is who I am and how I have decided to live my life. Brennan is the first character I’ve come across that I’ve been able to identify with. I don’t like that they have made her to now seem week and pathetic because of how she relates to the world. This is also who she is. She shouldn’t have to change. They have taken a character that I identified with and are now making her into someone who I believe isn’t staying true to her original character.

    Watching Bones now, I feel like they are saying that people who are different and who feel different are not normal. Is there something wrong with me or Brennan? No! I like who I am. I would hate to feel that who I am, is less because I am not in a relationship, married or don’t have children. Brennan’s transformation has made me again realize that I like me. I am happy that I am who I am and about the choices I have made in my life. I wouldn’t want to turn into a characterization of the Brennan they are now showing the audience. She is no longer a strong and indepedant woman who knows her mind, and that is what is most disappointing to me about what has happened to this show. My hope is that we see a different Brennan in this next year. First, I hope that she starts to love herself for who she is. Also, that this will dictate the choices and decisions she’ll be making. I don’t want her happiness to be derived from Booth, or anyone else. I want her to realize that she is special and important to the world because of who she is. A unique and wonderful person on her own.

    • I know how you feel. That’s why I was so drawn to Bones, because of Brennan. But they are more and more attacking who she is, science and reason, and her independence. It’s like they are telling us that you have to be in a relationship and believe in something higher in order to live a full happy life or that in order to fall in love you have to believe that there’s something magical/supernatural/unexplainable about it. Knowing/thinking that love is nothing more than biochemistry just like everything else that happens in our body and mind is not the same as saying it doesn’t exist, if anything it is saying the opposite and that you don’t need to see the world in a magical way to find it beautiful, wonderful and livable. That’s why I liked so much their conversation at the end of Devil in the detail, we got 2 points of view and none was shown as the right one, and we were told that Brennan thought the world was beautiful even though she was seeing it through reason. I don’t get why they had to make the last episode a strange one. Why always have them get their epiphany with ghost, coma dream or strange identification? The parallels were enough, no need for the very strange stuff. I hope that after that, even though she doesn’t understand what happened, she still have faith in reason and that they don’t tell she is wrong, otherwise I don’t see why her job would have a reason to exist, if there’s no such thing as objectivity, empiricism, making science meaningless… Before with strange cases we always had 2 explanations, and they never told us which one was the right one. Now they are more and more attacking the rational explanation.

  18. People say, “It’s just a TV show; it shouldn’t affect you like that.” Don’t you think we don’t know this? Like baby ducks, somehow at some time, we’ve been imprinted with Bones, and it’s painful both with and without it. I’m sorry, but this episode was not ‘just an episode of TV’. I’ve never seen a single episode where every MILLISECOND was deliberate and so perfectly done. Never.

    I am soooo affected right now and to think I only started watching Bones from season 1 three weeks ago and now, this episode! Six seasons of Bones in three weeks! This is all too much from me but I’m trying to be okay. I can’t believe how much this TV show affected me. Haha! There are times I think I’m really crazy.

    For this episode, I am heartbroken for Bones. Given her character, I can’t imagine how much courage she had to build to say what she said to Booth. The look on her face was just sooo heartbreaking — yes, I did cry! I wonder what will happen in the next episode.

    Don’t take a break Sarah… if you can help it. You make me believe there’s still hope for Booth and Brennan although deep inside I know there is. My boyfriend even assured me there is. See, this is something that I talk about with my boyfriend. Haha! I hope I’m not driving him nuts because all I talk about is Bones, Booth, Hodgins… He already started watching the first season and he loves Bones a lot!

    Aaaah… January 2011 seems soooo far away right now.

    Kisses from Asia! 🙂

  19. So, I was all set not to post a comment today, but a girl can change her mind, right?

    I loved Booth asking Brennan to “do her thing” in that “I love you to death” way of his.

    I love the idea that if Micah wasn’t real that he embodied so much of Booth. I could really enjoy discussing all of the many things that make this so.

    I loved that Micah was played by Enrico Colantoni.

    I liked (but at the same time did not) the scene with Hannah in the diner – ie: I like what Hanson and his team are trying to do there.

    I actually liked when Hannah said, “I don’t like it when you two argue.” I liked her more, although I felt more sad for her there, and loved the subtext behind it.

    I love Hodgins mumbling to Angela, “If I said something like that she’d rip my head off” and all of the implications behind his words and actions.

    I loved Sweets: “Over and over again, I have proven to you that I am good at what I do.”

    I loved Sweets even more: “I consider you one of my closest friends.”

    I loved the “Angel” re-incarnation in Booth as he swooped in on Brennan on the street.

    I loved this line from Booth: “I don’t know, falling you into a bad part of town and saving your life. You know, the usual. Your turn.” And the whole way he says it.

    And this: the smile and “Yeah, of course I do.” I mean, right? Of course he does.

    I loved how Booth knows exactly what she is saying when she first says “I made a mistake” even though he relates it back to the case.

    I hated (and by hate I mean loved incredibly) the pain on both of their faces in the SUV.

    I love how I can take so much meaning from Booth’s responses:
    “I’m with someone.” He doesn’t say, “I’m with Hannah.”
    “But those are the facts.”
    I can overanalyze those lines to death.

    I may not like the fact that he said Hannah was not a consolation prize, but I respect it. A lot.

    Oddly, I did not like the brief crying breakdown of Brennan, – it didn’t seem right, but please do not rail me for that because without question Deschanel did all of the rest completely right. Completely.

    I love the amazing writing in this show as a whole.

    I loved the Toynton’s direction in this episode. It was superb.

    I do not like (and by not like I really mean hate, and by hate I really mean love incredibly) how I feel the next couple of episodes will bring so much more pain.

    I love how I know that it will all be worth it in the end.

    • Re: “I love how I can take so much meaning from Booth’s responses:
      “I’m with someone.” He doesn’t say, “I’m with Hannah.”
      “But those are the facts.”
      I can overanalyze those lines to death.”

      Ditto. They struck me too.

      Also, I was struck about an hour after initially watching the ep that both Brennan and Booth are apparently masters of not actually telling each other how they feel.

      How differently would the 100th and this ep have gone if either of them actually said, “I love you. I know it, I really love you” ?

  20. First of all–I found the episode to be outstanding and Emily Deschanel was superb in her portrayal of Brennan last night.

    I have been waiting for something like this for awhile. Brennan needed to have something shake her up and this case did it. I don’t believe it made her look weak. On the contrary, I believe she came out of it much stronger than before.
    Brennan’s character did not choose her life. It was thrust upon her when her parents and brother abandoned her. It was her survival mechanism for all those years. In this episode, she finally realized that she can admit to feelings and emotions, act on them and survive. If you recall in my favorite ep. of season 5 BwtA, she felt her friends and feelings were a hindrance to her abilities. She needed to fall apart to be picked up again. The fact that she could state that she was sad, but going to be ok is monumental for the character. I think for the first time in a long time, she actually believes that she is not alone in the world. She is loved and capable of loving.

  21. I’ve have a love hate relationship with this episode. And I’m not saying that I hated the episode, I definitely do not hate this episode. It is now actually one my top 10 favorite episodes of Bones. I hate the fact that Booth has to be a gentleman as he always is and stays faithful to Hannah, but again breaks Brennan’s heart in the process. Anyone can tell she was clearly not okay with what Booth said. But I also love this episode for almost the same reason. Booth is shocked to hear her confession to him and it’s now his brain that is working a mile a minute. Booth hesitates with his answer, he has to take a deep breath before he answers Bones. There is something I noticed with his answer though. He said he loves Hannah, but he didn’t say that he was in love with her. I remember in the 100th that Booth said something about couples who have been in love for 30 or 40 or 50 years. Booth pretty much told Brennan that he is in love with her. He didn’t say that about Hannah and you can clearly see the pain in Booth’s eyes. In opinion he doesn’t want to say that he is in a relationship, and possibly deep down in his heart he knows…he knows that he moved on too quickly. Booth doesn’t know what to say to Brennan’s confession, and if you notice he really doesn’t say much. Really the only thing he can say after swallowing a lump in his throat is “I did.” But did he really truly move on. I think Booth is still in that process, and Brennan just made it about 50 times harder for Booth to hold back his feelings for His Bones. Ugh…It is going to be a very long six weeks waiting for the return of Bones.

  22. I have to start out by saying I was nervous before watching last night’s episode…after seeing the promo, I was afraid I would be left feeling hopeless at the end of the episode…I’m happy to say that was not the case!

    Yes, it was emotional and sad…but by the end I was happy for Brennan. I think that all of the reasons she had for turning Booth down last season are gone! Of course, it would be nice if the timing were different and Booth was in a different place right now…but Bren has come a loooonnnnnggg way. I actually feel proud of her 🙂

    I was also afraid that some topics would be handled badly, or not be dealt with head-on…and this was not the case either! B & B were very honest and forthcoming with each other! Booth was not afraid to admit that he was meddling and following her because he was concerned. He was definitely affected by her revelation about making a mistake and not wanting to have regrets and didn’t want to hurt her – but he did give her the straight-up facts. He also sympathized with what she would be going through after he essentially turned her down…since he had to deal with the same thing last year.

    My B/B shipper heart is not broken…I just think it will be a long journey.

    I LOVED the general tone of the episode…how we saw everything through Bren’s eyes was very interesting.

    I was glad to see that she eventually saw the photo as someone else by the end…I suspected that would be the case all along.

    As a side note – I was almost more affected by Bren’s emotions when she admitted to Booth/Hannah that she hadn’t been sleeping as when she full-out cried in the car over missing her chance.

    Does anyone else think that Micah was not real? That he was a form of her subconcious? How else could he explain everything to her in a way she could always understand???

    • Lisa,
      This idea that Micah might be a form of Brennan’s subconscious or a figment of her sleep deprived imagination is really insightful. The fact that Brennan could understand everything that Micah was saying is definitely a first for her. If you think about the conversation in the SUV, Booth had to ask who Micah was and he looked kind of confused too. Booth being the protector that he is, I think, he would have known who all the staff at the Jeffersonian are. I think, that I would have to agree that Micah might not be real.
      I just love BT for the fact that there are people here who love Bones just as much as I do!!
      thanks Lisa!

  23. Hey Seels,

    First off, you’re definitely not alone in how the episode effected you. I will show you fear in a handful of dust…you know, that’s actually one of the few lines in literature — I think it was from a poem, but I can’t remember the rest because poetry is definitely not my thing — that I’ve remembered over the years. Even I, with my limited grasp of poetry and hatred of how I can never understand a single bit of it, can understand that, so I guess that’s why it stuck with me. It’s very pointed. You, I, whoever…just…maybe Micah had the best point, again, with his point that it was better to be sad than dead. Scared than dead. Even if part of me wants to poke out my own eyes for saying something as generalized, arguing with myself will only get me so far. Micah seemed like a very smart guy. Then again, if I worked at the Jeffersonian/Smithsonian, I would totally attend every lecture, too. Wouldn’t you?

    Anyways. I don’t really know what to say to make it better for you, beyond that. That doesn’t even make ME feel all that much better, so it might not help any at all, but hey. I guess that’s part of life. I’ve always been very aware of the fact that in order to understand what happiness is, I have to be unhappy a lot. At least some. Otherwise, happiness just starts to look like everything else, and that’s just as sad as the alternative. That doesn’t really help either though, so I’ll just shut up and comment on the episode! Ha.

    Am I okay? I’m better than I thought that I would be. I’ve been worried about this episode for what might actually be months since I first heard it might exist. (Aw, Jewel’s “Winter Wonderland” just came on the radio; hello, Man In a Fallout Shelter flashback of happiness!) Seeing Bones hurt makes me hurt. I don’t know why I feel less empathy for Booth, but that’s just how it is. I…don’t do the whole Bones in pain thing, and it may be transference, yeah. This is most assuredly not my ‘I care’ face, however. Just not. And last night, it hurt. Yeah. At the same time, I was totally having that same internal battle (maybe we’re both sane, or maybe we’re both batcrap insane, but either way we’re not alone? :D) with myself over the sanity of reacting like I was. In the end, I decided that it didn’t really matter whether or not it was sane that I was so sad, the fact was that I was. Not much to do about it.

    At the same time, I really, really, really loved some things about last night’s episode. Sweets, for one. He stood up for himself, and in the same breath reminded her QUITE pointedly that she wasn’t alone at all. That he considered her one of his closest friends; that she accepted him as a member of her family. That other family, the one she CHOSE. Ange’s worry. Hodgins’ muttering about getting his head ripped off if he suggested something like that. Booth believed her, of course. I was even mildly amused by Hannah’s dislike of them bickering; except then she reminded me of Sweets’ baby duckling-ness and that kids never like it when parents ‘fight’ and then it just got confusing and weird in my head.

    Maybe it just hasn’t hit me yet. Always possible. Sometimes it takes a few times watching. You know what, though? I know that if I do eventually have a breakdown and cry for a day and a half instead of a few hours like I did (still unpleasant; the only other time I’ve had this strong a reaction to a show I was like sixteen and having a bad year and my favorite show killed somebody I knew was going to die but…), I can always come here. I’ll invariably read something that will make me feel better. Or I can rant and it’s likely that few people will think I’m completely insane. I hope that it’s the same for you.

  24. I am still not over the episode.I think I can safely say that I will never watch it again either. Just too painful for me.
    I am 38, still living with my dad since my mom passed away almost 2 yrs. ago.My dad and I are not tight at all.It’s a long story, but I cannot afford a place of my own,too expensive.So, in a way, I am alone too.
    Watching the episode was like seeing a well-constructed bridge made of tooth picks being destroyed by a heavy weight.
    Season 5 for me will be the season I keep watching over and over again because I was watching a couple in love being together(without realizing it).They were beautiful to watch together.so in tune with one another. You could not take your eyes off of them.

    I’m afraid you’ll have to pull out your ‘toolbox of magic'(I’ll call it that,has a nice ring to it) and help me find my way back to the B&B magic because much of it is damaged big time! 😦

  25. Thank you thank you for not making me feel like a crazy person. I know I’ve told you all about how much I identify with Brennan before and this episode really made me FEEL. And this couldn’t have come at a time where it would have hit home with me more. I’ve felt so alone in the world lately…I’m getting ready to graduate in the spring and move to a place where I know no one and nothing is familiar. It’s a terrifying feeling to me. I actually cried all over one of my friends the other day (apparently the end of semester stress makes me very emotional) telling her about how I have all these regrets in life and I hate that some of the people I would like to fix these things with are gone and I’ll never get to make it right. And I told her that I wondered if people would even notice if I was gone…not thinking in a suicidal way or anything just in the sense that we’re all moving on soon and would they feel a difference if I wasn’t in their everyday life. And then in the episode when Sweets told Brennan that she does have friends I started sobbing…because that’s almost exactly what my friend had said to me. That I did have friends and that I was loved…and no matter what happened someone would always be there for me.

    And then when Brennan confessed her regrets to Booth I started sobbing all over again…because here this woman was doing something that I would like to do…ridding herself of her regrets and then she was being shot down (albeit in the nicest way Booth could possibly do it under the present circumstances) and her heart was being broken all over again. And it hurt because I know the same thing would happen to me if I confessed some of my feelings to people…they’re happy with their life and you can’t just go asking people to drop everything and everyone to make YOU happy.

    But then I felt hope…the world righted on it’s axis with an improved Brennan at the center. All of this self introspection and craziness brought her to a realization of how she wanted to live her life. No regrets and making sure that the people in her life know they are important. And all of this introspection has brought us to a stalemate where B&B are concerned, but it is a hopeful one. Brennan has admitted how she feels…and if it is meant to be when the time is right Booth will remember and take advantage of the crack she showed in her armor around her heart. And two plus two will equal four…The sun will come up because the world turns…And what’s everything that is happening is finally not going to have to wait for “eventually” anymore. Believe me this is the most hope I’ve had since the 100th episode. Somehow a episode that had so much sadness actually turned my view of Bones around a bit and gave me the strength to keep the faith.

    As for me and you…well we’re just going to have to keep the faith in ourselves. You are a wonderful, kind, and amazing person. I feel lucky to know you, and I’m sure all your other friends do too…whether cyber or real-life. If you disappeared you WOULD be missed. The jury’s still out on whether we’re both sane, but I think we are. I think sometimes you just find something that resonates with you and become attached…for us it’s Bones. Sometimes it’s easier to watch themes in your life played out on screen because it gives you more introspection and makes you think about all those things you’d never confront if they weren’t brought up. And for me after the initial downer effect of the episode I feel a whole heck of a lot better…we ARE different from Lauren because we feel things. Bones has proved that to us. 🙂

    • I agree that this episode righted the 100th for me. I am still not enjoying bones like I want to and I really miss the B and B magic and chemistry, but even though I was terribly sad at the end, I expected it. In a weird way, I think it put them on a level playing field now. I think Hannah has to run her course. I do not like her and do not like the story arc with her and find little value in her appearance in the show. Hannah is safe and a happy place for Booth but not a deep place or ultra fulfilling.
      Several people have commented that B and B are soul mates. Complete opposites that compliment each other. Very true….Don’t forget the final moments of episode 99 was a B and B moment over Scotch discussing Soul Mates. I don’t think that was done by accident.
      I am NOT looking forward to the next four episodes and believe it or not, I may even sit them out when I can watch one a night for a week and then watch a few more. I am looking forward to the last third of the season when they are both at a better place and hopefully we see their friendship and chemistry back in place. I think the next few episodes will be awkward and painfully and leave us feeling hopeless and angsty. I have got to get other stuff done and not be so emotionally invested. But when it comes down to it, there is a very good chance I will be right there waiting for it to come on…..I want to see their whole process. If there wasn’t hope for B and B, then last night would have been the series finale, not just the winter hiatus. This is just the middle of their story and maybe not all the facts are out in the open now, but they both know that at least at one point, they both have very deep feelings for the other. So last night made me hopeful. Is that wierd? But I will say the 100th episode completely devastated me!!!! The Beginning in the End took them to the airport where the very first scenes of the series took place. (Episode One) So I am hopeful, that the “end” of their story is from the “End in the Beginning”
      I think it is in life, we should lean on each other. Some of us were devastated earlier in the season and Seels gave us hope and kept us going. Now some of us are devasted and sad (including Seels) and now those of us that are hopeful need to pull the others along. In a few weeks, I will be devastated because I just don’t want BOoth to keep going with Hannah knowing how Brennen feels about him. I know I am going to be devastated. So then, someone else can pick me up during January!! Deal….

  26. Seels, i completely understand what your saying. I find it hard to cry, but everytime i’m close to doing it when I watch this show i think “what am I doing? This isn’t real! Why am i acting so silly!”, but then I tell myself that I know that, i know that Brennan isn’t really crying while Booth tells her 30, 40 or 50 years, or she isn’t crying while he tells her that he can’t anymore and she realises that she missed her chance. I know this and then I realise that although the show may not be “real” the whole world that surrounds it, and the situations and my feelings and life that surround it are. And that’s why I come close to tears. Life is what we make it.

    Now my loves about the episode ( because i couldn’t hate it):

    – I love the fact that Brennan is not selfish. This episode reinforced that fact.
    – I loved Micah and his lectures and the fact that he may or may not be real.
    – I loved “people assume that when you’re alone that you must be lonely, like most assumptions it’s erroneous”
    – I loved that Brennan looked into the Pilot’s eyes and saw pain
    – I loved that the person that made her realise that she had made a mistake was herself, and the first person she told was Booth.
    – I loved Booth saving Brennan from getting hit by the car because he’d followed her into a bad part of time … as usual
    – I loved Brennan saying “I feel” and Hodgins getting upset.
    – I loved Brennan’s constant saying that the universe turned upside-down for three days and then “3 days, 3 days it took for the world to turn right-side-up again”
    – I loved that Brennan realised that she and Lauren weren’t the same person.

    There are so many more, but those are just off the top of my head. 🙂
    This hiatus is going to seem soooo looong, i wish january 20 was closer.

    62

  27. BONES is the only show that has consistently engaged my emotions on every conceivable level. But Seels, only you and what you have created with your writing projects have ever motivated me to post comments on a fan site. I’ve never seen a site that attracts such articulate, insightful and respectful comments. You have created an amazing environment for all of us and I thank you for the contributions you’ve made to my life just by following a personal passion and then, choosing to share it with others.
    Because of BONES and Bones Theory, I’m okay. Here’s why:
    I’m part of a community of BONES fans who respect the show and each other.
    I’m not alone in feeling the emotions that are acted out in each episode and I don’t have to keep those feelings to myself for fear others won’t understand.
    Last night’s episode was especially painful to watch, but it gave me hope that I too can learn to open my heart and risk the pain of loving someone. If Brennan can do it, surely I can too!
    Booth was Boothy last night and I loved it.
    Brennan is not alone. Her friends noticed the changes in her and took steps to intervene.
    As much as I might like Booth and Brennan to be together, I continue to be amazed by Hart Hanson and his team’s ability to build dramatic tension. How wonderful would the show truly be if everything was predictable and neatly wrapped up? Fiction that reflects real life should be emotionally messy. (This has always been hard for me to admit. Perhaps, I’m learning and growing).
    Like all good things, BONES will end one day and I will mourn. That day is not today, so I have reason to celebrate and time to imagine a B and B future!

  28. I am going to admit something… even though my post about my criteria says “did it make me cry?” in my memory, I have not cried while watching a Bones episode. Today I cried while watching Doctor in the Photo for the second time.

    This was totally me: “I was having a Brennan experience while watching her have an experience.” And it wasn’t the loneliness, even though that is something I have been dealing with throughout the semester, even that night after the episode. It wasn’t the missed chances I have regrets about. It was that process of (re)discovering emotions. “How come I understand every word you say, always? I don’t have that with anybody else. Sometimes I just hear noise.” When I heard this for the first time, I saw my ten year old self, my fifteen year old self, my twenty year old self, asking this same question. The sudden burst into tears after admitting her mistake? The standing over the lab, watching everything? I’ve seen it before. Known it before. Maybe I am overconnecting. Or maybe they just have it so right that I am connecting. I knew it reached so close to home because after I watched the episode for the first time last night, I realized that I didn’t feel anything. I mean, I did, but I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I knew, actually knew that time, that I had pushed my emotions to the side and just watched. I’ve done it before with Bones (and believe me when I tell you that I’ve only been aware that was what I was doing only a few times before, with Bones, and with my life). I narrow in on the details, and stop listening to everything else. Then there have been times in which I feel everything and can’t control it, can’t push it away. That was the car scene (watching it and the end). It is so scary to not have that control. Yet again, I was struck with how real it is to me. But the conversation at the end, with Micah? That gave me hope. So much hope. My mom actually said something similar to me once.

    So… am I OK? At the moment, I’m not sure. Will I be OK? Yes. Of course I will. This isn’t just my journey or Brennan’s journey or your journey. It’s a human journey. That’s what so amazing and real about Bones — it’s so… human.

    On another side: I LOVED the scene where Brennan was looking out over the lab, listening to the recordings. It was stunning (actually, the whole thing was). And I think I need a Micah (although I remember meeting Smithsonian guards like him when I worked there!). I just loved everything about this episode. Especially Micah.

  29. Last night’s episode was phenomenal! Emily Deschanel is so amazing! I had been waiting for this episode for a long time (and counting down the days during last week took forever). So, I told my kids and my husband that I was not to be disturbed (because I can never watch Bones without interruptions). Was it a signal from the universe that the screen went to nothing at 8:00 and I was missing the opening scenes I had been waiting for all week? I was literally screaming at the TV !!
    After the show (and having to pause the DVR at least 8 times- because although I plan not to be interrupted, I never manage to make it through without one) I was surfing the internet to see if it was just my local affiliate that messed up or if it was FOX, and.. (here’s the signal from the universe part) I came across your article at GMMR, Sarah. I was deeply moved by it. As was Marissa Roffman, I had tears in my eyes reading it. You validated every emotion I was feeling at that point. You are a very talented writer, Sarah. You have a gift in expressing how you feel and somehow touching on those emotional cords that many of us are experiencing as well. I want to thank you for creating this website. Although you may feel like your alone at times, you have actually reached out to those of us in the rest of the Bones world and made a connection. We are right there with you as we read every line. I too have never posted here before, but felt compelled to add my two cents today. I come to this website everyday. I look forward to the new discussions and marvel at the way that, among other things, the pictures you post along with your posts can instantly spark all kinds of memories of the episodes in which they took place ( the actual scenes and dialogue). I enjoy reading the comments here. It’s like analyzing the characters in one of your favorite books, except it feels a little more vested than that. I am not ashamed to admit that I am addicted to this show, and sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s only a TV show. I was in a “funk” for almost a week after the 100th episode, and I’m very sad after last night’s. I can manage to see Booth in pain, but cannot bear to see Brennan hurting. It pains me so much that I feel her pain too. Maybe I’ll feel better in 3 days… Give yourself some time to recover as well… maybe we will all feel better, more optimistic, next week. Just remember, that you are not alone. Here you are making your mark with your printed words and touching lives. We feel your emotions and even share in them … You are sending little signals out to the universe…

    P.S. I may be crazy for this thought, but, I think Micah is her guardian angel. He’s known her for nine years? She’s been working at the Jeffersonian since 1998 and her mother got there at the same time. Did you notice how nurturing he was to her…like a mother. He brought her something to eat twice,and made her go home and go to bed. She almost acted childlike during those times, and he kind of acted motherly. Maybe he is the reincarnation of her mother (as an angel , of course). At the end he said to her “at least your not dead…” and that he has his own sad story. Just some food for thought.

  30. I love this episode (definitely top 10!) and love your review and insights. The writing, acting and direction for this ep are award worthy. I think Brennan can’t fully love someone (Booth) until she comes to terms with her own humanity and breaks down her walls. Now that she has made great strides in that journey, she will be open to love when Booth is free. The car scene didn’t seem to me like Brennan was asking/expecting Booth to give up Hannah. She just needed to admit her true feelings so she could start healing. Micah is a great addition to the show — hope he continues. I thought of Brennan’s relationship with him like her relationship with Mr. Buxley in Death of the Queen Bee — an unlikely friend at first glance yet she sees the value in everyone. She is so amazing in a quiet sort of way. I didn’t think of Micah as a figment of her imagination at all. Booth would not have known him since Booth doesn’t come to the lab in the middle of the night, though Brennan often does. I especially enjoyed the concentration on Brennan’s character and the absence of the rotating squinterns. This episode gives me great hope for the future of Bones (and each of us!).

  31. No, you are not alone. I’m (not really happily) married with 3 kids and I still felt like you did: despairing about my life.

  32. You are not alone in your feelings. Like you I am unmarried (well married to my job) and no children. I felt numb, strangely weird or off – however you like to put it. I felt stupid for the tears I was crying. But I also knew the storyline was hitting a bit too close to home. I think the lonliness issue hits all of us to different degrees but it was like a big smack in the face for me.
    Then you go through all the emotions – fear, shame, sadness even anger. All the while I am telling myself it’s just a tv show with fictional characters. (Yes I too have conflicting conversations with myself!!) The down feelings passed within a few days & life is back to what it is.
    I haven’t rewatched the episode yet and it may be a while before I do as I’m not ready to revisit those feelings in a hurry.
    The connection we feel we have to this show Bones is unique for me. I have loved and hated other shows with passion but have never felt personally & emotional affected before.
    I am a very private person who doesn’t usually make public my feelings. Sarah thank you for sharing as it gave me the courage to do so as well.

  33. Thanks for keeping the faith!!! Love your posts. We totally need some fluff to get us through the next month. How about the Santa in the Slush as well.

    Will these two kids ever figure this out?

  34. This episode was great, a game changer I think. Of course my heart broke during the scene in the car when Bones admits to Booth that she made a mistake by not giving them a chance, but I also couldn’t help but be happy. The flood gates have been opened. Things have to be different now. Booth knows how Bones feels and even though he said, “I’m with someone” he didn’t say that he STILL doesn’t feel that way about her. As has been said a million times before he’s too honorable a man to jump ship from one women to another.

    A few other things.

    1) This episode also showed that Bones is not a emotionally fragile has Booth had been warned in the past by both Cam and Sweets.

    2) Did anyone else notice the little eye roll from Hannah when Booth had Bones do her little party trick with the chicken? I think she is starting to really understand the bond that the two of them have and that in comparison she knows next to nothing about Booth.

    3) I thought the scene in Booth’s office between Bones, Booth and Hannah was interesting. Booth and Bones are arguing and almost like child trying to get her parent’s to stop fighting Hannah says, “I hate it when you two fight.” I wonder if one some level Hannah knows that she is just a place holder until Booth and Bones are ready to be with each other.

    4) Finally did anyone else think this episode had a little bit of an A Christmas Carol vibe to it? Micah kind of made me think of the 3 ghosts that visit Scrooge to help him realize that he should be living his life differently.

    • good point. I like the Christmas Carol idea. It is very uplifting to think that Brennan will be all about Christmas future from here on! thanks!

  35. What really, really scared me was at the very end of the episode when Brennan spoke of the three days of her brain being turned upside-down being over… as if the feelings that prompted her confession had simply evaporated, leaving her feeling ok.

    Trust me, I love Brennan, so I’m always glad to see her feeling ok, but she isn’t SUPPOSED to be feeling ok at this juncture because things are not as they should be. She’s SUPPOSED to be with Booth, so her brain turning right-side-up again definitely caused some B&B-faith erosion.

    😦

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