Bones Theory

The “Morning After” Morning After Q: Is Anyone to Blame?

28 Comments

Thank you everyone who shared yesterday in the comments. I appreciate your open hearts! Thankfully, for me, I’m feeling pretty good about things. I was more just coming from the general standpoint of presenting my initial reactions, just so I wasn’t giving the impression that I’d been so calm and collected about it. I wanted to provide a place where people could express how they were feeling. For those of you who are still somewhat stunned or wondering why a TV show is affecting you like this, well…all I can say is that we’re in this together!

 Thanks also to each person who emailed me privately. I’ll reply to you soon!

But first, here’s another question for you. I sort of cheated yesterday by making the Q all about our emotional reactions to the show, but I think we should also do a question about the episode too.

Is Brennan entirely to blame for her regrets?

Perhaps that’s not the best way to word it, and I’m hesitant to even bring it up. I’m not really into the blame game or anything like that, nor am I interested in shoveling guilt onto the characters or bashing characters.

So let’s set some parameters, if possible.

No Spoilers (of course), No Hannah, No Sweets.

Just B&B. Just Booth’s declaration in the 100th and Brennan’s reaction to that and Brennan’s declaration in TDitP and Booth’s reaction to that. Then, the subsequent Booth/Brennan reaction to the other’s reaction. Does that make sense?

Brennan says she has regrets, but what does she regret? That she missed her chance or that she couldn’t love Booth in the way he needed at the time he needed? Is that the same thing? Does Booth have any regrets, do you think? I ask this because what I’m seeing from commenters is the kind of thing that suggests that now both ‘Booth and Brennan will have to live with the knowledge of her mistake’. And I’m just wondering…was it a mistake? (Her reaction in the 100th).

 Can it be an honest mistake? On both of their parts? And if so…does that still make it a mistake? Or just being wrong? Or just being right at the wrong time (both of them) ?
What do you think?

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28 thoughts on “The “Morning After” Morning After Q: Is Anyone to Blame?

  1. Hm, those are tough questions. I do kind of want to blame Brennan because she wasn’t willing to take the risk in the 100th episode and now that she’s ready, Booth has moved on. But I also sort of want to blame Booth for being able to move on so quickly, not that he really had another option in the first place.
    I don’t think either of them made a mistake. They just both had bad timing and couldn’t be ready for each other at the same time. Brennan wasn’t ready for Booth when Booth was ready and Booth wasn’t ready for Brennan when she was ready. I think it’s a simple as that and that eventually, one day they will both be ready at the same time, but who knows when that day will come.

  2. First, let me say thanks for a wonderful blog! I’ve been following it for a while but this is probably the second time I’m leaving a comment, so I hope it is OK.

    I’m by no means convinced that any of the characters should be blamed for their choices. We’re all fallible and likely to have little insight into our own feelings and even actions. Neither Booth nor Brennan are an exception here. In fact, I am pretty annoyed with that part of the fandom who believes that Brennan should be punished for saying no in the 100th. It sounds too uncomfortably like ‘the woman should be blamed’ to me. Booth’s attitude with her this season hasn’t helped either – he’s clearly still angry with her and still very hurt and obviously determined that there should be no second chance for them. Up to a point, that’s OK.

    I am however pretty much willing to blame the writers for the quality and pacing of the B/B storyline this season. This is why, I think, we have some trouble understanding what’s going on with Booth and Brennan. That’s why, I think, you’re asking the ‘who is to blame’ question, because there are some things that we have trouble reconciling in terms of the characterisation and/or storyline this season. If The Doctor in the Photo were the fourth or fifth episode of the season, it would be perfect. It’s the ninth episode and a little late. Furthermore, I can’t help feeling that the writers have wasted valuable time this season. The insertion of Hannah has done a lot of damage because so many people felt her to be an artificial addition to the story at the wrong time. For this I am, as noted above, very happy to externalise blame (i.e. beyond Booth and Brennan as characters).

    Finally, one more thing. I don’t think that, in the current context, you can take Hannah out of the story (much as I’d like to turn back time) and discuss Booth and Brennan independently of this very poorly executed storyline. Were it not for Booth bringing Hannah up as early as the season opener, perhaps a lot that we’ve seen going on with Brennan this season would have unfolded differently. Her struggle to accept Booth’s new relationship (and absence from her own life) is at least partly responsible for her breakdown in Thursday’s episode.

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  4. I don’t know if I’d call it ‘blame’ on anyone’s part. I would say they were true to their own feelings at the time of the happening on both opportunities. If being honest about what they could and couldn’t give at a specific time in their lives is making a mistake, then I think we have a very different definition of the word itself to work with. What I see here are two people with different growth pattern who happened to hit the same stage of development at very different times. I don’t see that as a mistake, rather as unsynchronized development. It happens a lot in real life, which is sad but true.

    The point I think should be taken into consideration is that even if they don’t get to the same place at the same time, they don’t get out of the place they’re going either. They’re still friends, they’re still partners, they’re still together in their everyday life. This means that of course they’ll have future opportunities to come around to this point again. If the point they each reached on their own was not merely a stage but a true turning point, then I have no doubt they will have to reach it again in the future as part of their true development. If it was truly a one and only chance, then you’d have to ask yourself whether it was truly a need for their lives or merely a need for a certain aspect of it at a certain point in time and nothing more. If they want to be there, they’ll reach that point again eventually.

    Besides, this is a TV show. Unless it gets canceled, it will have a happy ending.

  5. When I watched the 100th episode, I do attribute all the blame on Booth for what happened between them. He knows Brennan and how she reacts. Him wanting to try at a relationship and putting it out there at that time and place was inappropriate. Especially, in context of who they are and where they were at. There was no thought in his declaration. It wasn’t like he decided on his own that the time was right or that he thought she would be receptive. He was issued a challenge and the gambler in him thought, what the heck, I’ll go with it. He didn’t think at all in my opinion. He didn’t take into account how he knew how Brennan would process things when he made his declaration. He did it on a dare. That is what really annoyed me about the entire declaration. He didn’t come from the standpoint that ‘I really love this woman’ and I want to sit down and really talk to her about trying a different type of relationship. To me it wasn’t really an honest thought out proposal on his part. Brennan processes information really quickly and she knew that it wasn’t right. She knows who she is and that what Booth was saying wasn’t really sincere. She knew it wasn’t right and wouldn’t really work because of where they were at in there lives. He wasn’t looking at the big picture and she was.

    Brennan declaration in the car was honest. She didn’t force the issue. She spoke from her heart. No one made her do it or I don’t believe she really expected anything from Booth at the time. She just opened up freely. Which is growth on her part. There was no dare that was issued by another character on the show that prompted her to do it. I have more respect for her, than Booth, in either of these situations.

    People like to say that Booth stayed true to his character in the car scene. Fine. He has acted out of character this entire season so far in my opinion. When you love someone whether as a friend or lover you treat them with respect. I haven’t seen this type of behavior between Booth and Brennan since this season began. Booth can have a girlfriend. It really doesn’t bother me. It is when he acts out of character with Brennan that I don’t know who to be more mad at him, or the writers.

    The writing in my opinion has been so off this season. I can no longer make heads or tales out of what is now happening with this show. Can anyone explain to me what they are trying to do, or where you think they are going with this. I now need Cliffs notes for this show when I would actually prefer to read the actual book. I am really sad about this.

    • I’m not mad at the writers, but I completely understand where you’re coming from because Booth has been acting out of his normal character towards Brennan– but that’s because she hurt him and he’s angry. (Not that it was her fault for hurting him; she wasn’t ready.)

      It’s hard to watch– even harder than watching him “being in love” (I’m not sure I believe this, that Hannah ISN’T “a consolation prize” as Booth said. Bulls**t) with Hannah. But the writers are being true to Booth’s new character (when it comes to Brennan), in my opinion.

  6. In love, it’s always about timing. When Booth was ready, Brennan wasn’t and by the time Brennan was ready, Booth was already with someone else so I guess I have to blame the writers. LOL!

    I don’t know, I just have this feeling that they’re playing (too much) with the emotions of the viewers which is okay I guess because that’s the reason why they produce TV shows and it only proves that they have our attention. It’s just that I think this whole “when are they going to get together” thing is taking forever.

    Seriously, 6 years? And in all those 6 years they’ve been with other people and I can’t seem to accept it. Maybe I’m just idealistic and I want them to wait for each other w/o other people getting in the way but 6 years is kind of long.

    But one thing is sure though, they will get together in the end and I guess we’ll have to wait for what… another 6 years? LOL! I’ll certainly go mad if they don’t end up with each other when this whole show is over.

  7. I am not sure blame should be put upon anyone. Apparently Brennan has been trying to control her emotions since she was 15 and abandoned by her family. She has been in control for so long that it has taken the death of a stranger that had similar life experiences to her to wake her up to the fact that emotions (to feel) is not an expierence to be avoided. She seemed to have a look of wonder on her face when she said “she felt something” when she was talking to Micah. A door opened up, she looked inside and it wasn’t the horror house she always thought it was.
    Booth is a very insecure man. He was abused by his father so the only love he apparently had was from his grandfather after he and his brother were rescued by him. No mention has been made of his mother so apparently he was abandoned by his parents also. He has not overcome his feelings of abandonment and sees himself as someone who will never have true love. He probably thinks that there is no one out there that will take him for who he truly is. The fascade he is using in his relationship with Hannah is not real; but, he feels that no one could love him for who he really is. He has felt love and he has lived with women but it seems that he does not see himself worthy of a love that is only his. (I may not be saying this right) He doesn’t think he is good enough for Brennan and when she said no he probably felt that his thoughts on that subject were vindicated. We have two abandoned people who are attracted to each other but are having a very difficult time seeing that they are both meant to be together. They can be friends but it will take more pain for both of them before they see the rightness of each other.

  8. I will start by saying that I basically blame the writers for coming up with bringing in Hannah to begin with. I just know they could have come up with something much better for Booth and Brennan to deal with together. Plus, the network execs are to blame big time as well. They instruct Hart and co. in what they want to see with the show. Hart and co. know that we all want B&B together in a relationship dealing with issues together. THAT alone would easily make for must see t.v., but they have to answer to the network that signs their paychecks and let them keep their jobs. The actors I can only imagine how annoyed they must have felt at times during filming.Complaining that their characters would not do this or that, but they have to. It is their job.

    So onto the question, Who’s more to blame? What a great question. One that would take a long time to answer. It is complicated. It involves many issues. You could fill an encyclopedia with it and run out of room! I’m still in shock over the episodes so maybe later I can think better.

  9. full disclosure: i’m a Brennan, all the way. so, yes, i apportioned blame (irrationally) after the 100th and i laid it all at Booth’s feet. but as my mother (who is decidedly a NON ‘shipper) said at the time: That was the only way it could’ve happened and that is the only way Brennan could’ve reacted. it took me a really long time to be ok with that. LOL, just as i was starting to be ok they throw me this.

    like most people here, i don’t think it is a question of blame. though i will have to wait and see what kind of fallout occurs in cannon from this, i can’t bring myself to blame anyone for the way it all happened. i really hate the Hannah storyline, but i’m not sure Brennan would’ve ever come to grips with her feelings if she hadn’t had to change her world-view so drastically. so in the words of an unromantic but very wise woman “this is the only way it could’ve happened”. and blame’s just a waste of air.

  10. Firstly, I have to say this is my first post on here even though I read it allll the time. Guess I finally got the guts to post. Secondly, I love this website for its positivity and depth. Thirdly, I loved everything about this episode from the SL, acting and all the cinematography.
    Now to attempt to answer your questions: As has been stated above, I don’t think that blame can be placed in this setting. I have read and read and read about how wrong it was of Booth to blurt out his feelings of wanting to take a chance, how he rushed her. I think that we attribute non-human selflessness to his character in that Booth will always put Brennan and her issues before his own feelings and needs is unrealistic and against human nature. It is clear during his admission in the 100th scene that he is scared to death. That is why he blurts it out because at that point in time he doesn’t have the control over himself to be completely selfless or what we consider Boothy. Therefore you can’t blame Booth or Brennan during this interaction because Booth is bursting at the seams to finally have his true feelings heard. Brennan’s reaction is natural and expected so I don’t need to reiterate what has already been discussed at length.
    I think both characters have regrets still. The most likely guess for Brennan’s regrets is not taking the chance of allowing herself to love Booth and let him love her back. I think that is why the very ending of the show is important to her character. We see her admit that she is sad but she is OK. Well, not completely but she isn’t broken. She can survive this. This is critical for her because if she and Booth are going to “eventually” be together she has to know she can survive even if it doesn’t work out.
    I think we will see Booth’s regrets more clearly in the aftermath of Brennan’s admission. We can’t blame him or expect him to blame himself for moving on while away in Afghanistan. But now that the cat is out of the bag I think we will see him start to question things more openly or at least to the viewer’s eyes.
    I think its interesting that the writers have been able to torture us as well for as long as they have. That being said I think that the timing of how long and excrutiating this journey through season 6 has been has been necessary. Why? Because if they didn’t take this long to get here it wouldn’t feel like Brennan was being Brennan.
    Finally, I have to say this is going to be a VERY long few weeks!

    • Oh, gosh, I sure hope was start to see Booth’s regrets! And then Hannah will see them. And then 🙂 .

      And I completely agree that the length of time– though so, so painful– is completely justifiable.

  11. I like to think of the both of them as lines. Lines can be parallel, but sometimes (eventually?) they intersect. They meet. When Booth made his declaration I thought surely they would “cross”. When Brennan made her’s, a small part of me wished they did “intersect”. I’m glad they didn’t though 🙂

    When it happens..it’ll be great!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  12. This is such a hot button topic right now. I have been reading lots of post and fans are pretty heated about one or the other being to blame. What I also find interesting is people’s need to see the person they believe is to blame suffer and hurt for their transgression. I know that is human nature and we all feel that way sometimes (I know I have). I will admit I at first (gut reaction) really want to blame and hurt Booth. I want to lay all the blame at his feet but then that is so easy isn’t it? I know i feel this way because I identify very strongly with Brennan and when she is going through all of this (especially what she is going through now) I feel like I am watching myself in some ways. Relationships are confusing and complex in the best of times so when things seem so off track and out of sorts it can get easy to get even further bogged down and resort to falling into the blame game. I think you have to look at a persons intentions to understand and be able to blame them for their choices. Someone once told me that it is often not our choice that determine our guilt but our intentions behind making those choices that do that (I was struggling with being worried about making a choice feeling like no matter what I chose it would be wrong, and they said if you intentions are in the right place then even if the outcome is not what you want you will know that it is just that but not because you did the wrong thing). I think that is relevant here, with Booth and Brennan. I think if we look at their intentions we know that as much as we want to blame them we really can’t. We can that they have acted out of character, they have acted out of pain, they have not thought through every action, but we can also say the would NEVER intentionally hurt each other, they would never put each other in a situation that would intentionally cause either one to suffer or be exposed to pain. If the world were right and perfect they would be the ones helping the other through this mess and sort it out. But it is not, is it?
    When I look at the 100th episode and I watch what happened I don’t see anyone to blame (not even Sweets!!!) I think Booth is a good gambler – being an addict doesn’t mean you have to be bad, it just means you don’t know when to stop. I think as he was walking out of the office with Brennan he was looking at and weighing the odds. I think he knew exactly what his chances were and I think he knew within a 90% certainty what the answer would be. He knows Brennan better then anyone. I think he asked knowing, absolutely knowing, that she would say no. I think his gamble was on if she would say yes and if she did he would win but he was counting on her saying no. I think Booth was scared, and he doesn’t do fear well does he? I think he was(is) scared of his feelings for Brennan, the depth of is need for her, and his dependence on her. I think he was(is) afraid of what that means. He doesn’t have the best rack record in the commitment department and I really think a romantic commitment (the time he would have with Brennan) scares him spitless. *This is my only Hannah comment: The kind of commitment he has with Hannah on the surface seems deep (I love yous, mving in together, meeting Parker, etc) but it is shallow and superficial. He withholds parts of himself from her (like all past relationships) and it is on his terms – he is in control. I don’t think he believes he is in love with Hannah, I think he believes he needs to be. I think as long as he can stay in control and set the pace then he will seem happy and keep the relationship going – but in the long run like every other relationship it will not be enough and it will unravel because of him.* He asked Brennan knowing she wouldn’t say yes, knowing she would be overwhelmed and unable to process the onslaught of feelings and ideas being thrown at her by him. I think when he said the 30, 40, 50 year thing it was true but also chosen because he knew that logically she couldn’t process it. I think he was relieved when she said no and new it was coming (he knows the saying as an FBI agent never ask a question you don’t know the answer to). I think in his head it meant everything was reset and they could go back to being partners/friends. I don’t think it is because he doesn’t love Brennan, I think it is because he loves Brennan so much that he needed her to say no. I think he is scared. She is the one, but that means that if they give it a shot and things go south then what? He would be alone. He would lose everything. And that is what drives him in this because he will gamble when he knows it is a sure thing but not when the odds and outcome are so important. He cannot live a life without Brennan but he is scared that because of his past and because of his commitment issues (Rebecca not marrying him because he is not good enough – I don’t think it is just about the father issue in his mind) that if he can’t make it work with Brennan (his standard) then his life would end. If we know anything about booth we know that he is not the kind of guy to give up or walk away when he really wants something. So why would any of us believe that he would give up with one small (and in the scope of these two it was small) declaration? Especially after the words Brennan said back to him (she DID NOT say no she said she couldn’t – that is huge. She said she was doing it to protect him – again huge). In my honest opinion in that scene it was Brennan who told Booth exactly how much she loved him, in her very Brennan like way. The thought that after all that Booth would just quit is not true to who he is. I think he didn’t fight because he couldn’t. I think he thought it will all go back to normal, I will be able to have her and love her and not fear losing her. I think we all are projecting SEX as the condition for their relationship but I don’t think that factor comes into play for either of them. I think you have to remove sex and then look at it and realize they were in a committed loving relationship without the label. What I think Booth didn’t, couldn’t factor into his equation was what he set into motion with those words. Something in Brennan snapped into place and this started her journey to now. SHe has always loved Booth and I think his words that day start her internal debate about what that would mean and look like. I don’t think Booth saw Maluku coming. I also don’t see Maluku as Brennan running away from Booth but running to him. She had to go there to fit all the pieces into place and she had to do that on her own, and in a place where her brain and her passions could be engaged so she could deal with and sort out her feelings and emotions. I think when she left Booth saw it as another abondonment. I think he saw this as the point where she made her decision about him and about “them”, not the 100th episode. This is when he stopped thinking and started feeling – hurt, anger, fear, shame, abondment. I think this is when Brennan unintentionally broke his heart not the 100th episode (on my premise that he knew her answer before he asked the question). He ran as far and as fast as he could because he couldn’t handle it. This is what started the next seven months of choices for him, including Hannah. Did he stop loving Brennan – nope not at all (why do you think Hannah is a mini Brennan with emotion? Everyone says good social skills which I disagree she is just as abrassive as Brennan – sunglasses). Does he want to? More then anything, because after all wouldn’t that be the easiest thing in the world? I think Brennan came to the conclusion that she loves Booth and wants him in Maluku and I think she came back with that knowledge and the thought of going back to Booth. What she didn’t factor in was Booth’s hurt (because I think she didn’t just discover those emotions in this episode I think what she discovered was the courage to give those emotions voice and the idea that regret is not wether or not it works out but wether or not you take the chance. I think it is that realization that led her to giving voice to her feelings (one’s she has been aware of since Maluku). I think now that she has put it out there I don’t think Brennan will take it back. I think it is now a truth, her truth, and for Brennan truth is a cornerstone. I think she will protect her heart, fiercely. She will try to protect Booth too, but I do not believe for one minute that she will give up on Booth. I do not believe for Brennan that there will ever be a new love interest – sexual partner maybe (because for her sex is not love – she loves Booth has always loved Booth and never needed sex to confirm that. For her sex is just a physical need/action – oh boy wait until it finally happens with Booth) but she will never love anyone but Booth. I don’t see her as the type of person who can “fake it til she makes it” with another (like Booth is trying). I think she is already committed to Booth, always has been and now that she put herself out there emotionally, always will be. I think she has nothing to forgive Booth (I think we all assume that she does because we hurt for her, but I think her ability to be logical sees this differently). I think she will be the one to save Booth from his own belief that he is not worthy of love, just how he saved her from her own belief that being emotionally detatched will save her from pain in life. Likewise I think Booth has nothing to forgive Brennan about (he went into the 100th knowing the outcome and allowed is own insecurities become his guiding force in his relationship with Brennan). I don’t think either one of them will blame the other, they will just need each other. I think Booth (and his love for Brennan) will torpedo his current situation and Brennan (and her love for Booth) will be there waiting for him when he does.
    Becky
    Sorry this is so long! 🙂

    • Very Insightful and I think you are spot on.

    • I agree.

      However, I’m having trouble with your premise that Brennan realized her feelings for Booth in the Malukus. I mean, she seemed very jealous of Hannah, but I don’t think she consciously knew why at first. I think her realization took steps: her feelings when she found out about Hannah, then seeing them together, then seeing them move in with each other… that all led up to last night when she was finally completely consciously aware of her feelings which led to her confession.

      Though, of course, I’d probably have to watch these episodes over and over again to be completely sure. (One reason why this season, though very different from the others, is really quite something: the characters and their feelings have gotten so complex that one can’t possibly understand them from just one viewing of an episode… which prompts discussions like the ones that occur on this blog every day! This is a season for die-hard Bones fans.)

  13. In my opinion there was one GIANT mistake in the 100th…the fact that Booth and Brennan did not listen to what the other was saying. And I mean truly listen and get the underlying meaning and read between the lines of the hurried confession and rejection. If Booth had listened he would have realized she was scared…and if Brennan had listened she would have realized that Booth loved her without the need for her to change. Neither of these things were spoken out loud, but were contained within the responses that were given. Everything else following was just fallout from that one fatal mistake.

    As for Brennan’s regrets…I think she regrets that she let fear get in the way of what she now sees as what could have been her only shot to be truly happy. I think she regrets how she ran more than she regrets actually saying no…she’s beginning to realize what a great thing it could have been if only she had swallowed her fear and moved forward past it. Once again fear got in her way as it has so many times before. And for Booth…I think he has the regret of hurting his partner. Sometimes I think he probably thinks about what would have been if he hadn’t taken the gamble that night. What if he had waited until he saw that Brennan was ready to take that leap of faith with him. He would see that neither of them would have been hurt. He also has the regret that he’s losing his best friend. Slowly but surely he’s been cutting Brennan out of his life because it is too painful for her to be present in it…but unless he has someone out there we’ve never been introduced to before that he can lean on his one person is gone.

    After the 100th both of their worlds were turned upside down. And yes I think both made mistakes…the SAME mistake actually. No one is solely to blame for what happened. Both must share the burden equally until they can come together and help absolve each other of the weight of it.

  14. Thanks for this question and opportunity. Since Netflix just put up season 5 on streaming this past week, I saw both Thursday’s episode and Episode 100 yesterday for the first time. Will admit that I had seen snippets of “the scene” from 100 at various points in the past few months, but this is the first time I had seen the whole thing in context. So this all is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

    When Brennan started talking in the car on Thursday’s episode, I wondered whether or not she would bring it up. I was saying to myself, “Are you really going to go there? Really? Don’t you know what his reaction is going to be?” I squirmed my way through the first time (I had to look away from the screen because I couldn’t deal with both the words that they were saying and the looks on their faces at the same time–it was just too much emotion).

    But then after several viewings of that scene (this was before I got to 100), what I came to feel was pride in how brave and honest she was. That’s the thing that I keep thinking about Brennan–is that she is as honest and straightforward as she knows how to be the minute she realizes something. There are no games with her. The only thing she knows how to do is to tell the truth as she knows it at that moment, regardless of what effect it might have. I sometimes honestly don’t think her mind works in a way that anticipates how others might react to her statements (a little on the autism spectrum perhaps?). When I was asking her “Don’t you know what his reaction is going to be?”, I think I realized that she doesn’t. When she says she’s a scientist, she’s not kidding. She doesn’t do well with predicting or anticipating psychological reactions–she does much better when she’s analyzing, interpreting and drawing conclusions from data that’s already there.

    And so–in this scene, she’s discovered something and the only thing I think she knows how to do is to say it honestly. She’s discovered a regret–in my mind because she has finally had an observers view of multiple perspectives on data that we as watchers of the show have (or think we have)…the data of herself and the way that she relates to others. And I think there’s one person that she shares her discoveries with. He’s sitting right next to her and happens to be related to the discovery.

    I don’t know if she realized she had a regret before this episode. If she realized that there was something going on, she certainly couldn’t have named it as such–she didn’t have data to look at. For me, at least, the regret is that it’s okay for somebody to be good for her too (see reaction in second conversation with the pilot). Flash back to Episode 100 when she tells Booth that he would benefit from a relationship with someone like her. I think she just realized that she doesn’t have to be the one giving…especially when she doesn’t think she has something to give. She can also be the one who receives…and there are so few people in her life that she isn’t the primary “giver” to—I think she regrets having someone there who isn’t there because she’s good for them…but rather because they are good for her. In this case, a mutually good for each other. And although I think part of it is because she doesn’t feel worthy of receiving, another part of it is because she’s so talented and gifted and wealthy and smart and beautiful…that she’s just not sure what else there might be to receive. Now she knows.

    I actually thought Booth was pretty kind in his words to her. No recriminations. No “you had your shot” spoken out loud from him. He just lays out the facts–the data–and lets that settle in so that she can draw her own conclusions. I saw the set of his jaw and could feel some of his frustration (and maybe a touch of pain when he said “I did”), but I didn’t feel any insincerity in his words—it really is where his heart is.

    And then I watched Episode 100. I think that Booth knew the odds were long when he gambled…but he was just so tired of waiting or perhaps he really did take it, as someone else has wisely pointed out, on a dare. I think he felt like the odds were always going to be long—and that’s why he was so quick to talk about moving on….because in his opinion, the odds with Brennan are always going to be long. He is, in the end, that guy…but I think that has more to do with him than with the other person. He’s going to be absolutely faithful and whole-hearted with whomever he’s with, but at that point, he’s just too wounded to stay where he can be hurt now that he has made himself vulnerable.

    As for whether or not they’ve made mistakes along the way—or whether or not it was a mistake for her to react as she did in 100, I don’t think so. I do a lot of relationship counseling (marital and pre-marital). One of the trajectories I see in really mature relationships—relationships that have been through or are ready for the long term—is that they are well aware of the source of their own pain re: romantic relationships. Not physical pain or abusive pain, but what can wound them. They are aware of (in another character’s words) “their own sad story”, and they know they have the strength to come out on the other side of it. They don’t need the other person to complete them, but that they can give and receive freely and be a whole (though often cracked and repaired) person in themselves. At the start of Episode 100, neither of them had really even begun that journey. Booth started on it then. We just saw Brennan’s start. It’s not a mistake to be where you are. It would have been more mistake to be less than honest about where they are either to please the other person or to deliberately wound the other person.

    I love the line from a Trout Fishing in America song: “When couples fight their troubles it unites their hearts; when the good times come, they can drift apart; so I’ll be loving you, no matter what goes right.” If all B&B had were going right moments (after, of course, the initial blowup), they wouldn’t be nearly as strong as the will be in (eventually! please!) loving each other, no matter *what* goes right.

  15. When Booth offered Brennan his heart, he must have known there was a substantial chance that she would say no. Especially since by doing it, he defied more than one warning (Gordon Gordon advised him to have patience). And Brennan was not ready and did not believe herself to be capable of returning his wants, hopes, and needs for the kind of relationship he described.
    I don’t blame Booth. He was in love and did not want to hide it any longer, so he took a chance. Maybe he let his hope blind him, maybe he unconsciously sabotaged himself for some reason (he is somewhat damaged by his past), who knows? But it happend and why blame him?
    I don’t blame Brennan. From a young age we teach people (especially females) to not do anything they are not ready for. Brennan is an emotionally damaged person, and if you rush her on emotional issues she closes up. Sometimes I think Brennan is like a hedgehog, touch/scare her and she curles up and hides behind her prickly quills. And until this episode the people that love her understood this better than she did herself, but now she found out through that other doctor how she works herself.
    It makes sense that Brennan opened her heart to Booth now, because she gained new insight into it. I find it impossible to blame her for that.
    I don’t blame Booth for his reaction, he was obviously stunned numb, and when I try to put myself in Booths shoes, I have a feeling that Brennan’s revelation is going to haunt him and his relationship with Hannah. Just imagine realising that someone who you always loved but who was never available to you suddenly is. I don’t think you could help comparing your current relationship to the relationship you always dreamed of, now that that dream is suddenly serious on some level.
    I fear about what Brennan will do to get herself over Booth though.

    There are some things about the Booth Brennan relationship that have always baffled me somewhat though. Because I am not an American and I don’t know the significance of some phrases and behaviors within american social mores. For example: Is the phrase “I love you” only used for romantic love and not between close friends? And can close friends in america kiss eachother on the cheek, or is that not done outside a romantic relationship? I’m asking because from my point of view it surprises me that Booth has nothing more to offer Brennan than offering to call someone to be with her. And in earlier seasons I wondered why Booth does hug her but never kisses her. I don’t know how to interpret that because I’m from a slightly different culture.

  16. Maybe they are both to blame. Or none of them. Yes, Brennan did jump to her confession in a bad time, Booth is with Hannah and yes, she did have an opportunity with Booth in the 100th episode, but I don’t think she was ready. Now she understands what she felt, I think that’s the difference. She now knows that, in some ways, Booth is the only one who’s there to protect her and love her as much. And she did miss that chance
    . In the other hand, Booth did want 30, 40 or 50 years with her, but after 7 months he goes and meets Blondejournalist and forgets about that promise? And now he missed his opportunity with Brennan because of that supposedly serious relationship.
    I think they have both things to regret, but they should not be blamed for that. We as real people, know that life isn’t easy, and I guess many of us we’ll have to experience bad timing in relationships that could have worked other way. They grew up with problems in their relationships, loved ones that left them broken and with no other armor but their emotionally built walls… but even like that Brennan grew, for she used to have the kind of walls now Booth has, and Booth did have the kind of open heart she’s now showing. (By the way, did anyone notice how Brennan-y has Booth become and how Booth-y has Brennan become! Just think about it: He mentioned “Those are the facts” in the car scene. And Brennan went with her gut by sharing her feelings with him). My conclusion is that they are not to blame, they are just being who they CAN be at the moment: Booth can’t be with Brennan because he has Hannah now and he would be gambling (and to his eyes, probably loosing again) and risk his now ‘secure’ relationship and Brennan couldn’t be with him before, because she was insecure and scare of what might have come out of that gamble, too. That’s just life :/

  17. I’m not good when it comes to the blame game (I get really confused for some reason haha), but I don’t think that anyone is to “blame” for anything. I believe both the 100th and TDitP were just two different character’s emotions bubbling over and breaking the surface. In the 100th Booth took the gamble with Brennan, even though I think he knew that the chances were that she would say no. He knew that she wasn’t ready, but wanted to put it out there anyway because, I think, it was just becoming so hard to bear. Everytime I watch that scene, I think the thing that I love the most about it is the fact that although, to an outsider, it sort of comes out of the blue, Brennan knows what he’s talking about as soon as he says anything (and even before that). She knows exactly what he wants from years of being his partner. I think we don’t give Brennan enough credit sometimes when we say “But Booth didn’t say the words “I love you””. I mean, sure he didn’t, but she knew exactly what he meant when he said all of the 30, 40, 50 years stuff. She knew what she was saying no to (I think sometimes that we project when it comes to this spot. We all think “as if you wouldn’t want to be with Booth” so we just expect that her ludicrous answer was because he didn’t explain himself properly, but we have to understand that there is more going on here.) It wasn’t that it wasn’t clear enough, it was that she just wasn’t ready. So i don’t think we can blame one more than the other for that, they are both responsible in their own way.

    The moment in TDitP is very similar. I think that again, this feeling of regret that Brennan expresses has been mulling over since the trip to Maluku. The only thing that put it off was the presence of Hannah (sorry). I think that she was ready to confess her regrets pretty much as soon as they met on those stairs. You can see it in her eyes and the slight eagerness with which she asks whether he saw anyone while away. And when he shows her a picture, you can see the strained smile that she gives, it just isn’t quite “Bones”. Then in TDitP her emotions just tipped her over the edge. Here was this very important, rational person who no one had found because outside of the workplace there was no one to look for her. I really think that the moment that made her want to tell Booth though, was the part when she told the Helicopter Pilot that Lauren had had nothing to lose. I believe that when she looked into his eyes earlier in the episode and saw pain, she only knew what that pain looked like because it reminded her of the way Booth had looked at her for all those weeks after the 100th. The fact that she saw the similarity between Booth and her relationship and the Helicopter Pilot and Lauren’s showed how much she had grown and consolidated her thoughts (and feelings) in Maluku. So she took the leap and told Booth that she “got the signal” and that she “[doesn’t] want to have any regrets”. And again as soon as she began talking, he knew what she was on about. He knew exactly what he was saying no to. And she also seemed to know that he would say no, just as he had gambled all those months earlier, (he knew that she most likely say no, but had hoped for a yes). She knew the probable outcome, she just had to get those feeling out there. And he also didn’t give a definitive no, like her in the 100th. They both gave reasons why they couldn’t, never saying they didn’t want to. Even the language was similar (“I believe in giving this a chance” “I missed my chance”). The two moments are so similar. It seems these two just have terrible timing when it comes to their feeling and the other person. So, again, neither is to blame more than the other in this instance either.

    Finally, I’d like to talk about what they each regret. I think that Brennan regretting that she missed her chance and that she couldn’t love Booth in the way he needed at the time he needed are the same thing, but still she doesn’t see it as a mistake. The fact that she said no in the 100th obviously means that she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t shocked, it wasn’t as if it was a surprise, she just wasn’t confident enough with her love of Booth yet to say “yes”(that’s what Maluku was for.) She thinks she missed her chance because when she came back Booth was with someone else, and that is the one thing holding them apart at this moment. I think that at the moment, Booth doesn’t regret anything but he is going to begin to. He sees that he gave her enough time after the 100th to change what she said, and then he moved on. I believe that soon he will regret moving on, but that won’t be while he is with Hannah, he’s too honourable for that.

    My definitive answer after all that is that I see that they were both right, but at the wrong time for the other person, and for them to finally be together, it needs to be right for everyone. But, I don’t think Brennan missed her chance, or that they made a mistake. But we’ll see….

    62

  18. Absolutely not. No. I no way was it all her fault. Jeez! You should see inside my brain at that suggestion; it’s not a pretty place. I’m gonna be rational, though. Try to, at least. I don’t think you can blame Booth, for what he did. I don’t think you can blame Bones for what she did.

    Booth, he’d been waiting for a long time. He was probably going a little bit insane, knowing and not saying. I know. It’s not fun. It sucks. But you know what? I’m not gonna suddenly forget the most basic tenant of mine’s personality just because I can’t take it any more. I’m going to wait. He…he KNEW she would react like that. He told…Sweets?…that you can’t rush her. You can’t ask her something, tell her something, ask her to step SO far outside of her comfort zone…and then expect her to react well. It’s just not going to happen. He had to know that. He snapped. It happens.

    Bones…she was almost there. Almost. You know what, though? She had a point. It’s scarier than anything else, the thought of losing your best friend because you can’t do something. Her knowledge, her facts, they all indicated that she wasn’t capable of doing what he asked. That she would hurt him. That they would fail, and once more, somebody important to her would be gone. I can’t blame her, I won’t. I’d rather blame Booth, but I can’t even do that. So.

    I don’t know. I don’t know how it would work, if they were real people and not fictional characters. How a real Booth or a real Brennan would go about working out the obstacles, if the writers weren’t there. I know that it probably wouldn’t be perfect, either. Maybe they’d have better timing. Maybe the Universe would hate them even more, and…well, it could have gone much worse. Either way, as it stands, I can’t blame either of them. I want to, sometimes. On bad days, I usually want to pin it all on Booth. He knew better. It’s just not…it’s not right. I can’t. So if I can’t blame him, ain’t nobody getting blamed, and I’m just going to have to sit back and wait for the story to work itself out. It will. Eventually.

  19. Episode 100 (TSotW):
    Re: Booth wanting to give it a chance: I don’t blame him. As painful as the result was, I actually think it needed to happen (and sometimes I feel like I’m the only one). Even though things didn’t happen the way everyone would wish it did, it started the ball rolling. I think it’s possible that if he hadn’t taken that gamble, things would have gotten too comfortable for too long in a surrogate relationship. I know what Dr. Wyatt said, and for the most part I agree with him, but I also think one can wait too long and miss one’s chance.

    Re: Brennan’s response: I don’t blame her. It was honest to what she felt and feared. Sure, it was the opportunity of a lifetime, but to continue with the gambling metaphor, the stake was too high. She could lose her partner and her friend (arguably the person she has ever felt closest to) if things didn’t work out. She’s not a gambler. Who of us really are when it comes to high stakes and Brennan is even special in that case. I think it’s a normal human response to go for the sure thing. And hindsight is 20/20

    Re: Booth’s response to Brennan’s response: I don’t blame him. Sure, he says he’s got to move on, but unlike a lot of people, I don’t think he moved on that quickly. In fact, I think he stuck around and repeated the same pattern as before. If he really wanted to move on, he should have removed himself from the situation, but he was (and still is) in love with her and can’t help but be around her. I actually think Booth didn’t take any steps toward moving on until he was in Afghanistan. I think he thought he still had a chance and he thought he still had time until Brennan started pulling away in The Boy With The Answer. She (almost literally) slipped through his fingers in that episode, and he could feel it. There was so much worry and pain on his face throughout that episode. He felt like he was losing her. Then, she never calls him during their hiatus and I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt like he had lost her. (note: I don’t really blame her for that either). At some point he has to trust what Brennan says and let it go. He had to move on eventually.

    Episode, The Doctor In The Photo:
    Brennan’s declaration of a mistake (missing a chance): I don’t blame her. One, her heart had just opened up to a whole new world and possibility and she needed to share that with someone. Unfortunately, there is only one person she could have shared that with, because only one person would completely understand and only one person knows about that chance that she feels like she missed. It was there moment, just between the two of them (and millions of tv fans). And unfortunately, that one person was the one who ended up being hurt by that mistake. That one person now has someone else in his life. But she still needed to share this discovery, because it is something, that I believe, no one should go through alone. Especially when the lesson she has learned is about being alone. Two, Booth, of all people, deserved to know the truth. Third, once again, that reluctant metaphorical ball is rolling. There’s no way that Brennan can go back (I don’t care what Cam says) and there’s no way that this cannot change Booth.

    Re: Booth’s response: I don’t blame him. It’s the truth. He’s with someone. He can’t be irresponsible and hurt her, just because someone else changes her mind. He needs time to process and make sure and right now, he doesn’t feel so sure, because he just spent, I’m guessing, about 7 months building a new world around her. She left a life she really liked to be with him. Once again, the stakes are too high. In fact, they are higher than they were before, because there’s a third party (fourth if you count Parker) involved. He did the responsible and honorable thing and there’s no way that I can blame him for that. But despite all that, I sense that this still was not an easy thing for him to do and I bet he’s going to feel a pang of regret for it later (like that evening), not because of the decision he made, but because the whole situation just sucks.

    Brennan’s response to Booth’s response: I’m not sure how to gauge her response. I guess I’ll call it acceptance for the time being. And I can’t blame her for that either. That’s about all she can do right now. He’s stated his position, she said she’ll adapt. As long as she doesn’t give up listening to the universe and instead uses that new awareness to her benefit (and truly adapts), I could never blame her. This whole experience, no matter how painful, was/is good for her.

    So, there you go. I don’t blame anyone (not even the writers). It’s just an unfortunate series of events and that’s life. The great thing about fiction is that we get to watch these unfortunate events make themselves right and that’s not a guaranteed chance in life.

  20. Hey Seels,

    I don’t blame Brennan for the relationship is or was in the past….at least not too much.

    It’s Booth who has been way to pathetic for way too long. He said that she was The One and knew it from the start. That means he’s been lying to her and to everyone else for the 5 years including their significant others. I know longer see Booth as a heart guy but a wuss. He didn’t even try to get their relationship closer until the 100th episode then just gave up after one try. What happened to the guy who said to Sweets “You can’t rush her”?

    Maybe it’s because I’m a guy or something. I have felt this way about Booth since the start of S4.

    HH nuetered Booth a long time ago and Gordon Gordon had it right when he told Booth “TO GROW A SET”.

  21. I don’t think anyones to blame. It wasn’t Brennans fault. It wasn’t Booths fault.

    I do think both of them made mistakes. Brennan for her reaction and her reasoning (which was wrong on so many levels, but that’s another point). And Booth for the way he approached her and what he said in the 100th. I know a lot disagree, saying she’d have said no regardless of how he’d phrased it, and maybe they are right. I just think, in that one moment, he forgot everything he knew about Brennan. And that’s ok, he’s only human.

    Now, i like to think they are even. Brennan hurt Booth in the 100th, and now Booth has hurt Brennan. Neither meant to but it happened (i think you’ve said yourself before that we tend to hurt the ones we care for the most, and that is very true in B&B’s case).

    What i can’t wait to see is how they move on from this. How Brennan adjusts. She can’t unring that bell, but part of me fears she may try. Retreating back into her shell as she tries to adjust to her new reality…i hope not, but we’ll have to wait and see 😀

  22. Oh, and here’s one for the Hmmmmmm…. file. Just got finished re-watching 100, and given this question–“Does Booth have any regrets, do you think?”–I’m finding the scene at the taxi interesting after she runs to the cab while telling him that they aren’t going to be together that night. I can never tell whether he says “Of course we are, why?” or “Of course we aren’t. Why?” She says, “Tequila.” And then he runs to the cab:

    Booth: “So you’re afraid that when I look at you in the morning, I’ll have regrets?”
    Brennan: “That would never happen.”

    I believe Brennan so absolutely there…because I believe that there will be a time in their relationship (a morning after the long dark night of the heart) where they will look at each other and there will be no regrets, no room for them, no possibility of them. Right now there’s a little too much tequinnah in the system. 🙂

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