Bones Theory

CHRISTMAS WEEK: Top Ten Bones Christmas Episode Quotes

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Hey there Bones friends! It’s Christmas week here at Bones Theory which means we get to spend some quality time with steamboats:

vascular tissue on Booth’s cocky belt buckle:

and hallucinogenic anti-fungal cocktails:

Have I mentioned how excited I am? (Moment of honesty:  these pictures are completely gratuitous and have absolutely nothing to do with today’s post).

Okay, okay, I’m moving on now. Today we’re going to talk about our favorite Bones Christmas episode quotes. I chose to focus on words with this post, rather than individual moments or even entire scenes, because I wanted to see what would happen when I forced myself to make a decision about what I liked based primarily on what I heard (the meaning of the words, the emotion with which they’re said, and even the body language and facial expressions used to communicate intent) rather than what I could see (physical attractiveness and great chemistry). Of course since you can’t talk when you’re kissing (at least not effectively) and Booth reciting his saints, while quite funny, didn’t make my top ten, we won’t be discussing any actual kissing or nearly naked Booth scenes today – hence the need for gratuitous pictures. But enough from me, it’s time to let the words do the talking. Here are my top ten Bones Christmas episode quotes:

Snappy One-Liners (1-4)

“Friends don’t let friends photocopy their butts at company Christmas parties.” (Angela, The Man in the Fallout Shelter)

   

A large part of the reason I chose this quote (okay, most of the quotes actually) is simply because it’s funny. Bones does humor quite well. It’s one of the things I really love about the show because I like to laugh. But there’s something more here than just humor. At its heart, Angela’s seemingly flip comment is indicative of how much she truly cares about Brennan as a friend and that’s what cemented its spot in my top ten.

Throughout much of the first half of season one, we see Angela consistently trying to coax Brennan out of the lab and into society which is exactly what she’s attempting here. It’s her last ditch effort to convince Brennan to attend the dreaded office Christmas party, and she does it by appealing, in a humorous way, to Brennan’s innate desire to help others. She might well have succeeded if Booth hadn’t walked in just then with a fifty-year old skeleton. Angela uses the same tactic, this time successfully, in The Pain in the Heart when she convinces Brennan to attend Booth’s funeral because she doesn’t think she can handle it alone.

“A Yuletide gathering of the Brennan criminal element.” (Caroline Julian, The Santa in the Slush)

  

I love Caroline Julian. She tells it how it is with just the right amount of dry humor and sarcasm. That is all.

“I’m not used to having evidence that talks so it’s a little disconcerting. I’ll just get back to work.” (Daisy, The Goop on the Girl)

 

Oh Daisy. No matter how much people dislike her, you have to feel just a tiny bit sorry for her here, right? When Booth (clad in nothing but his boxers and striped socks) asks the victim how she’s doing, Daisy misunderstands and gives him a quick rundown of the evidence she’s collected so far, ending with a perky, “Thank you for asking, especially given the difficult morning you’ve had.” When Brennan points out that Booth was actually talking to the victim, Daisy is understandably embarrassed and apologetic. 

“Christmas has its roots in the pagan festival of Saturnalia which is traditionally celebrated by intoxication, naked singing, and the consumption of human-shaped biscuits.” (Brennan, The Goop on the Girl)

How is this for a classic Brennan response? I’ll admit, it’s her reference to “human-shaped biscuits” (the pagan version of gingerbread men, perhaps?) that has me rolling on the floor every time I watch this scene.  

Conversations That Make You Go Hmmmm… (5-7)

Brennan:  Kiss Booth?

Caroline:  That’s right Cherie.

Brennan:  Why?

Caroline:  Because it will amuse me.

Brennan:  Why?

Caroline:  Because you’re all ‘Dr. Brennan and Special Agent Seeley Booth’ and it’s Christmas and I have a puckish side that will not be denied. (The Santa in the Slush)

 

I’m sorry to say that this is the closest we’re going to get to Booth and Brennan’s famous mistletoe kiss. I seriously considered adding Brennan and Caroline’s post-kiss commentary – you know, the whole flotilla of steamboats and all – to the list, but I just had to pick this exchange instead. Caroline has a puckish side? I never would have guessed! And how awesome is it that you can hear the quotation marks in her voice (‘Dr. Brennan and Special Agent Seeley Booth’)? Brennan is understandably flabbergasted at Caroline’s outlandish request, but methinks the lady does not protest much…

Brennan:  I should warn you, he’s, he’s very hard to resist.

Booth:  Thanks Bones.

Brennan:  Sure. (The Goop on the Girl)

I love this exchange. Brennan warns Owen Thiel, the pirate radio guy Booth has just tackled, not to resist arrest because Booth is, “very hard to resist.” Seriously, how could there not be a double meaning in that statement? Especially considering the way Brennan jumps to Booth’s defense in my next quote:

Brennan:  Uh…That’s my partner. He’s FBI.

Margaret:  His eyes are too small to be really handsome.

Brennan:  Well I have to admit, I find him pleasing to look at. (The Goop on the Girl)

You go Brennan! Way to show your appreciation for Booth.

Sweet and Sour (8-9)

Booth:  Christmas is the perfect time to re-examine your standing with…you know.

Brennan:  A helicopter pilot?

Booth:  Oh…Right. Right. You can’t measure the man upstairs in a beaker so He can’t possibly exist.

Brennan:  The man upstairs?

Booth:  You know…you don’t know if you’re sick but you’re more than willing to take drugs just in case. It seems to me you could give the man upstairs the same benefit of the doubt that you do an invisible fungus. (The Man in the Fallout Shelter)    

 

Okay, so this conversation is the sour half of my sweet and sour combination mostly because Booth and Brennan aren’t really being very nice to each other. Brennan is being a Scrooge about Christmas; Booth doesn’t understand why yet; and they’re both giving each other a hard time about it. But what I really like about this scene, and this is why I chose it, is what it represents:  the relative balance the Bones writers have managed to achieve between science and faith. Sure, Brennan mocks Booth’s faith on a regular basis, especially in earlier seasons, but this is one area where Booth just doesn’t back down, regardless of how much science or logic Brennan might throw at him in an attempt to prove him wrong (“Jesus is not a Zombie!”). He believes there are some things science just can’t explain and I love that about him.  

Booth:  I know what happened. You told her about careful Lionel. You showed her the letters. The tickets. She cried. But you made her happy.

Brennan:  Not to mention I gave her a penny worth over a hundred thousand dollars.

Booth:  She won’t care about that today. You just gave somebody the best Christmas gift they could ever get. Who’s the Secret Santa now? (The Man in the Fallout Shelter)

Could this conversation be any sweeter? Even without the sugar in the eggnog they’re drinking, Booth knocks this one out of the park. He knows the gift Brennan gave Ivey Gillespie and her granddaughter and he knows what part of that gift mattered most (hint:  it wasn’t the penny). And most importantly, Brennan knows that Booth knows why finding Ivey and telling her the truth about what happened to careful Lionel mattered so very much. 

Super-Serious Monologue (10)

“A man died this week. By all accounts, he was a good man. Loved his mother. Worked hard. Shouldered his responsibilities. He’s a man that any one of us would be proud to call friend. I killed him. With this microphone. I killed him by going on these airwaves and sharing my rage with you. Spreading my rage. Now you, you can say that it, it wasn’t my fault. It was a coincidence. I’ve thought about that. I’ve thought about it a lot. But the fact is. The fact is if it weren’t for me, he might still be alive. I’m so sorry for that. And I remembered something that I forgot over the last few years. That God is not only a God of anger and vengeance. Now my religious beliefs tell me that Christ did not die in vain. That He died to redeem us all. And I intend to show that this good, simple man also did not die in vain. That he redeemed one angry, shouting man. So these are the last words I will ever broadcast. And I hope they’re the words you remember best. Peace on earth.” (Owen Thiel, The Goop on the Girl)

If the science is the brain of Bones; then moments like this are its heart. These are the moments that define the show. The moments that break our hearts just as surely as they give us hope. As Owl said, “Bones would not be Bones if it did not…make [us] think, really think, about why [our] faith is challenged and [our] heart is crushed.” (“Proceed Rationally, Correct? Measuring BONES Episodes With Set Criteria.” 12/2/2010).

And this quote is certainly heart crushing. Although it isn’t so much a quote as it’s a monologue. An apology. A formerly angry man’s heartfelt attempt to make things right. Perhaps, as Booth harshly tells him earlier in the episode, Owen Thiel’s remorse isn’t enough. Perhaps it’s impossible to make things right. A man is dead after all. And yet I can’t help but think that, like the Phoenix, we can see the barest glimmer of hope rising from the ashes. Redemption is possible. And in the end, that’s all that matters.

So which of these quotes puts you in the Christmas spirit? Did I miss any of your favorites? How does your perspective change when you focus on what you hear rather than the things you can see? I love hearing your thoughts, so please share them in the comments.

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26 thoughts on “CHRISTMAS WEEK: Top Ten Bones Christmas Episode Quotes

  1. I liked the Owen Thiel speach; but, my favorite quote comes from “The Man In The Fallout Shelter”.
    The group is just given an injection to ward off a possible fatal disease and are told one of the possible side effects is hullucinations:
    Booth: (Hallucinating) You know what? I never realized how pretty all this shiny stuff is.
    Hodgins: That is so not fair.

  2. I have to say, the Owen Theil monologue makes me tear up every single time. Just *reading* it there made me cry a little. It’s just beautiful. And surprising, to be honest. Yes, Booth consistently argues for the existence of God on the show, but on network television, you rarely see such a heartfelt display of Christian faith, and that my favorite show did it? All the more special to me.

    And anyone who knows me knows that my all-time favorite Bones quote is: “Bones, it’s after midnight! Hmm? Christmas Eve day! Both an eve and a day…It’s a Christmas miracle!”

    I don’t know why. It just makes me happy. 🙂

    Merry Christmas, everyone!

  3. This week i’m on my higher X-mans spirit level so you made me so happy w/ all this X-mans Bones quotes that i decide not chose one but agree w/ all of them. I love X-mans and i love Bones. An love even mpre X-mans Bones episodes , quotes everYthing. i’m so nostalgic about Bones lately that i’m glad we don’t had a X-mans episode this season. You know why ? Cuz this Current storyline could be ruin all Bones X-mans spirit we so love.Hopefully For another amazing X-mans episode next year w/out angst and B&B kissing under the Mistletoe a lot ! By the way i freaking love that Mistletoe pic more than ever. Merry X-mans !!!!!!

  4. I love that conversation between Puckish Caroline and Brennan. My favorite part about it is that Brennan seems almost like a little kid because she keeps ask “Why?” You know how little kids do that? “Why? But why? Why?” I just thought it was kind of charming.

    For some reason, my favorite line from Santa in the Slush is when Booth says to the Santas, “Whoever smells like the wet sweater really needs to take a step back.” DB’s delivery of that line was great. I laugh every single time!

    I also love what Lenora mentioned about Booth and the “Shiny stuff.” And yes, I will forever say: “Christmas Eve day! Both an eve and a day…It’s a Christmas miracle!” on Christmas Eve.

    Yay! for Christmas Week at Bones Theory!

  5. Excellent list, Stephanie. And I loved that you did a nice mix of funny and heartfelt moments too. And, of course, the gratuitous pictures helped too 🙂

  6. I watched all 3 Christmas episodes yesterday so all of this is still fresh in my mind.

    One of my favorite lines from the Christmas episodes is very short, and isn’t Christmasy or extremely meaningful but I just love it. I think it’s the delivery of the line, and who delivered it that just captured me. It’s when Goodman reveals that Booth has a son. Zack’s response…”Be kind rewind.” was just great, it was so unexpected.

    Yes, Caroline’s puckish side that will not be denied, is another I can’t imagine ever forgetting, and I love Booth still a bit high on the anti-fungal treatment popping up with the both an eve and a day it’s a Christmas miracle makes me smile everytime.

    Actually most of all 3 episodes are very quotable, there are so many great moments in all three episodes. They really do know how to pull of a Christmas episode on this show. Hopefully they’ll follow the schedule they’ve been on and we’ll get another great Christmas episode next year!

  7. All great quotes but missing my favorite, Booth: “Nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus” from Man in the Fallout Shelter. Love that line.

  8. And I absolutely LOVE the Angela quote. I haven’t seen this episode for a while (I’ll be watching all 3 on Christmas… huzzah!), but it’s definitely one of my all-time faves of her quotes.

    Also, Caroline’s “It will amuse me” is hilarious… and so, well, her!

    Thanks for the pre-holiday pump-up!!! 🙂

  9. My favorite quote (other than the Owen Thiel monologue, for the exact same reason as Jen) has to be: “I find I can best avoid peer pressure if you cannot catch me.” For some reason, seeing Brennan actually RUN from Angela was a really cute way to start off the episode.

  10. Speaking of Zach quotes: In MitFS, when the group is telling Bones that they aren’t non-believers like her and Zach points out that he’s “a rational empiricist but my mother thinks I’m a Lutheran.”

    I’ll be having my Bones Christmas marathon tomorrow. A nice antidote to the current SL. 😉

  11. I love this list! Thanks for the early Christmas present, Bones Theory! Who doesn’t love them a little Caroline Julian, especially at Christmas? But I have to agree with Jen’s all-time favorite quote about “an eve and a day” – love, love, love that one!

    On a serious note though, I think it’s important how some of these quotes reflect “the relative balance the Bones writers have managed to achieve between science and faith.” It was purely coincidental how I started watching Bones around the same time that I first started studying science, and I worried that scientific evidence would shake my Christian faith. I love watching Bones because it constantly reminds me that whatever answers I seek can most certainly be found. I can turn to science for answers, like Brennan does, but there are times when I need the man upstairs, as Booth would say. Is it possible that in trying to understand the miracles of science, I can learn something new about my faith?

    The way this show examines these themes – science vs religion, evidence vs faith, hormonal release vs true love – is something I haven’t really experienced with other network television programming. It is one of the main reasons I am hooked on this show and the presence of these themes in the Christmas episodes makes them particularly poignant.

  12. I loved all of these quotes! Great list Stephanie! Personally, the monologue from Goop definitely struck a chord with me. It was the first time I had watched a BONES episode that actually made me tear up as I watched it, along with the image of all of them at the graveyard with the victim’s mom.

    I also definitely love the “Christmas lung fungus” quote that Kirsten mentioned, as well as Booth’s “Christmas Eve, a Christmas Miracle!” quote from Man in the Fallout Shelter. 😀

    Thanks for putting us into the BONES Christmas spirit!

  13. Loved all the quotes, and how insanely giddy they make me-must be the holiday spirit (or the eggnog!) I have to confess though, that my favorite part of Fallout is not the fabulous dialogue, but the looks that Booth and Brennan exchange at various times, looks that initially convey hurt and in the end, deep affection.
    Exhibit A, the first volley: already frazzled by the season and the quarantine, Brennan finds out about Booth’s son and is visibly, and rightly, annoyed. She’s clearly upset, even when she doesn’t say so. She’s his partner, they’re supposed to trust each other and yet he holds back on even the most basic information about his private life, evidence of who he is, if you will. It’s of course one of the many ways Seeley Booth sabotages himself by not giving anything away, not even stuff that might show him in a more sympathetic light.
    Exhibit B, the payback: her annoyance at him, coupled with the awful associations she has with Christmas, lead her to make the “you identify with the Christmas myth because of the whole child out of wedlock thing” comment. She hits her mark here without initially realizing just how fully, and it is one of my favorite DB scenes of all time- no one else conveys that much hurt, and possibly shame, with just one look. She was just being facetious, but one look at him (after some prodding by Angela) and she understands just how much that comment hurt. While marriage is no big deal to Brennan, Booth of course is ashamed that he was unable to provide his son with a conventional family because he is a man of strong family values and he feels that he didn’t live up to what he was taught was right. That it gets brought up in such a manner has got to be mortifying, at best.

    Exhibit C, the olive branch: as in Con Man, Brennan never directly apolgizes for her earlier comments but she doesn’t have to.The sincerity with which she says she’s sorry he can’t spend Christmas with his little boy, words meant to show genuine sorrow on Booth’s behalf even as her own heart is breaking, matters more to him than any conventional apology ever could. All he has to do is look at her tearful eyes to know she means it.
    Exhibit D, olive branch redux: as everyone rushes out of the lab in a frenzy towards whatever commitments they may have, Booth stops in his tracks and tells her to meet him at the restaurant. That look, as he hesitates in his departure and turns around, is very sweet, especially in view of the fact that he knows that earlier she had no one who came out to spend time with her.
    Exhibit E, redemption in the restaurant: in the true spirit of Christmas, all perceived wrongs have been forgiven and the partnership emerges stronger; she has shared her story with him just as he has shared Parker with her-and all is right in Heaven and Earth, a Christmas miracle. Feliz Navidad, everyone!

  14. This managed to touch on 1 of my favorite things about Bones in general and on 1 of my favorite Bones Christmas moments.

    1st – I really, really love how they balance religion & science on this show and I’m so grateful that they are not afraid to tackle these issues, it is one of my favorite things about the show.

    2nd – The radio guy’s last broadcast in Goop on the Girl is so emotional and it gets me every time…and I’m so glad it does 🙂

  15. This post totally made me smile! Especially starting it off with Ange’s commentary on the duties of friends. The awesome thing is, Bones takes that kind of thing seriously, and would probably would have filed that nicely away under ‘Misc. Duties of Friendship’, or something. I share your love of Caroline Julian, too. She’s absolutely awesome. I know it’s not in the quote, but the fact that they go back and forth from the coffee room to the elevator like fifty times while talking is also hilarious. And I don’t know about anybody else, but I love Daisy. I honestly do. I WANT to hate her. She’s too perky and sometimes I think only bats can hear her speak, but I have TWO sisters like Daisy. Two. So I’m pre-conditioned to love that. Her chagrin over talking evidence is positively adorable; I want to give the poor girl a cookie.

    And you have to love that when told to say something about Christmas, Bones stands up and explains about the drunken naked singing and consumption of human cookies. I mean, really. Of course Booth is irresistible. I’m amused that she realizes it, of course. And their bickering over faith in tMitFS is…interesting. I invariably laugh, but that’s mostly because he’s drugged and ALL up in her personal space and she doesn’t break his nose. The dialogue is really very antagonistic, but I still love it. Booth’s faith is awesome. Her lack of faith is awesome. And wow, that monologue…it kind of reminded me of the kid’s sermon/speech at the end of The He in the She. They both really kind of leave you a little misty and sniffy, yeah?

    I love everybody else’s contributions, too! Bones’ actually fleeing from Ange is absolutely priceless. Zack’s religion and his “Be kind, rewind” tend to make me laugh entirely too much, but he was always my favorite so I’m probably biased. It has nothing to do with Christmas, but Hodgins’ “You robot reminds me of you; you tell it to turn, it stops. You tell it to stop, it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage, it watches reruns of Firefly.” is another one of those hysterical laughter quotes, as is his own religion. Of course God still loves him even if religion is a conspiracy designed to control the masses. I’ve also just gotta say that “Wait…the evidence actually adds up to an old fat man with a white beard, in a custom made Santa suit…who smoked a clay pipe and got kicked in the ass by a reindeer?” was awesome.

    ALSO, before I click enter to save myself from going and watching all of these again, I like Sweets’ commentary about the rational behind Christmas and lying and such; “We put on silly hats and drape trees with sparkly lights and wrap gifts in garish paper and that’s good for us.” in particular. Of course sparkly lights are good for us! I also like that Bones agrees with him. That was just adorable.

  16. I love everything you have all mentioned, but one of my all time fave Christmas ep quotes is from Booth in Man in the Fallout Shelter, “If this is fatal, I will shoot both of you.” Or something like that! Haha.

  17. I loved ALL of them!

    Actually, I went and watched “The Goop on the Girl” after I read this. (I watched “The Santa in the Slush” last week haha) I had forgotten how amazing this episode was!

    I do like the monologue that was made towards the end of the episode. And the winks/peeking that went on with Booth and Brennan at the end!

    I’m probably going to end up rewatching all three episodes again! 🙂

    Thanks for putting us all in an even greater Christmas spirit! 😀

  18. My favorite, no surprise here, is “Thanks for the gum” followed by the hurried explanation of stuff they suddenly had to do. At the time it was because it was proof positive that there had been “tongue contact” despite the chaste cut that ended up on TV.

    Once episode 100 hit, though, it gave me a brand new love and appreciation for this scene. Because it’s not their first kiss like we all thought. And in that moment they had to be thinking about the two kids who had once upon a time kissed in the rain. What they had missed that night but what they had built in its stead.

    I love that she agrees to kiss him so quickly (she knows what Booth tastes like), then she springs it on him and BAM! Time stands still for them in that moment and they stutter their excuses to Caroline and then to each other. It’s a great moment!

    Gum 🙂

    Ps The other moment that always gets me is the monologue montage in Goop. Easily one of the deepest moments in Bones history!

    • Yeah, and when he’s all adult about it and says, “I’ll have a talk with Caroline,” and she blurts out “NO” at the top of her lungs almost. Booth’s face is priceless. So, so priceless.

  19. Loved this post Sarah, and agree with all your choices.

    One of my personal fave xmas quotes has got to be Booth’s

    “Both an eve and a day. It’s a christmas miracle!!”

    I know it has no deeper meaning or anything, but i just love the way Booth says this line. So joyous!

  20. Pingback: Christmas Week: Best Holiday Ep EVER? « Bones Theory

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