Bones Theory

Morning After Q: Will Booth and Brennan Be Able To Relax Enough To Ever Be Happy Together?

18 Comments

Okay, so that is sort of a ridiculously long title, but I think it’s a good question and a great way to kick off our weekend!

We’ve discussed before the idea that B&B help absorb one another’s pain, and we’ve talked about the value of their partnership. We’ve seen this season that they’ve both sacrificed for one another, despite heartache (their hearts. And OUR hearts!).

And I think (correct me if I’m wrong) that we mostly all agree that they take one another very seriously. They are mostly pretty deliberate around one another.

Booth, for his part, can be kind of “I just know” about things with Brennan, and Brennan, for her part…she’s also kind of “no, you don’t…not really” with him. 🙂

I don’t see that as them being rude to one another, as much as I just see them taking the protection of the other one (even from themselves) very, very seriously, and I just wonder at what point they’d be able to let go of that intensity.

We’ve seen them relax at times, and I wonder if that could ever be the norm.

What say you? Will Brennan and Booth ever be able to truly relax around one another enough to just…chill? Or will they always be sort of edgy around one another? Will there always be such high stakes?  I don’t want to say it’s that they take themselves too seriously in an obnoxious way…but will they never NOT take everything so seriously? Are they capable of that? Or have they programmed themselves too much to ever truly be able to let down their guards? Not that either of them would always be guarded against the idea of the other one cheating on them or anything. More…Booth and Brennan would always be hard on themselves to always be good at the relationship.

I’m really interested for your thoughts, as honestly, I don’t know how I feel about this one. Let me clarify again really quickly: I mean, once they are fully committed to one another in a romantic, “I love you” kind of way, partners both in work and in bed…at THAT point, will they still be really intense, or will they actually be able to…just be? Will Booth be able to cut himself enough slack to just relax and be happy with Brennan? Will she be able to do the same with him?

So, talk to me. Let me know what you think. And as Paul McCartney sings, “Say it for goodness sake; it’s gonna be a great day!”

Peace, Love & Bones,

~S

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18 thoughts on “Morning After Q: Will Booth and Brennan Be Able To Relax Enough To Ever Be Happy Together?

  1. I’ve thought about this one before and though I want Booth and Brennan to be a couple I feel that that relationship will always be a rocky one. Brennan is extremely independent and so is Booth. Booth has a preconceived notion of what a good marriage is and that would probably interfer with his relationship with Brennan. Brennan has said many times that she doesn’t believe in marriage and the social norns that go with it. I think she would certainly try to conform at least a little bit for Booth’s sake; but, she likes to bug out to digs and stay gone for months. She loves her job and likes to work all night on some of her projects. She doesn’t sugar coat anything and sweet talk is not really something she does. Booth understands these things about Brennan and they are what make Brennan who she is; but, they will probably drive Booth to distraction if he has to deal with them in a personal relationship with Brennan. Booth on the other hand is also a dedicated FBI agent and a lot of the time he tries to manipulate Brennan to get what he wants. He can be snide and snippy with her when he is having a bad day. Brennan knows that about Booth and accepts that in her working partner. It might drive her to distraction in a life partner.

  2. B & B do take each other very seriously but they also respect each other. It will take a while to build the trust and confidence up but once they break through those walls and are actually together, I think they will be happy together. Once they are devoted to a successful relationship, their behaviors will have changed enough that they will be able to get through the tough times together. When one is having a bad day, the other will know what it takes to help and will be devoted to helping instead of walking or running away. I would like to see them relax and have fun and reduce some of that intensity along the way. The tommy guns were a great start to that end.

  3. I think a marriage, or a serious intimate relationship, between Brennan and Booth would be just like the one we see now, only deeper, of course.

    They don’t have any problem working together. They don’t have any problem communicating with each other. Even when they disagree, it’s an easy disagreement that respects the other’s position. Brennan doesn’t agree with Booth’s religious opinions but she respects his right to have them. Booth thinks she’s too scientific and analytic but he’s also proud of her for being brilliant.

    I don’t see them as uncomfortable or unrelaxed around each other – discounting this season and the Reporter Barbie experiment. They have an easy, open relationship and enjoy spending time together. Sex changes things, but when a relationship is good to begin with sex usually doesn’t change it for the worse.

    IMO, obviously.

  4. I think that if/when they are a couple, there will still be problems. Which is why the show never needed to keep them apart to continue with the conflict. But I won’t rant.

    Brennan’s most recent statement on marriage is not that she doesn’t believe in it, but that she would need a good reason, and she doesn’t have one. I can see that from her perspective. She would probably say that in a society that no longer stigmatizes premarital sex or childbirth out of wedlock, in an age where unmarried adults can own property together or designate each other as proxies etc… She probably looks at the historical and cultural purposes of marriage and sees them as moot.

    Booth seems to want all the conventional, stereotypical things that represent a happy family. Personally, I don’t think he really wants those things. I think he just thinks he does.

    I think any ultimate happiness will depend on his willingness to let go of a lot of that fantasy and her willingness to indulge in a little of it.

    I also see Booth as extremely needy. There are parts of the fandom that make much of Brennan criticizing Booth, but she praises him all the time too. She is constantly assuring him that he is a good man and a good father but the fact that she keeps having to say it is an issue. Brennan has supreme confidence in herself. People- including Booth – are taken aback when she reacts to a compliment with “I know” but I think she sees it as an honest acknowledgment of her worth, not egotism. Personally, I think it’s awesome.

    So this would be another issue for them – constantly reassuring someone of their worth is draining. I can see Brennan getting tired of having to do that. Booth needs to get over his negative response to her self esteem.

    Booth invests 100%, and that can be overwhelming. When he was with Hannah, he dropped all his other friends to devote himself entirely to her. Brennan likes her independence and doesn’t need constant companionship.

    I recently rewatched the 100th (I admit, because I am writing a fanfic, can’t help it, long hiatus!) and I now think that Brennan took back her offer to sleep with Booth because he told her – before he even kissed her for the first time – that he had a gambling problem. I can see Brennan (especially early Brennan) thinking “Whoa! I just want a one night stand with a hot guy. He’s already too involved!” She does ask him why he told her that. And his response “I just think this is going somewhere” was the exact wrong thing to say to Brennan. At that point in her life, she didn’t want relationships going anywhere but down the road of satisfying biological urges.

    I also think Booth, being saddled with guilt and remorse all the time for everything, would spend a lot of time mulling over the past, regretting things, wishing it had been different, thinking about all the what ifs, whereas Brennan would put the past in the past, resolve to learn from her mistakes and just go forward.

    So I guess the short answer is no, they are not going to relax around each other, not without a lot of work and compromise. At least, if they stay in character, they won’t. And if the show wants to explore some of the more dramatic aspects of the relationship. TPTB on the show might just want to go back to bickering, just with kissing at the end instead of almost kissing.

    • whilst reading this comment it seemed to me that you are suggesting that Brennan will be better at adjusting to the relationship than Booth. Which is something I completely agree with. Brennan will continue to be herself but Booth will always expect more (or different) until he realises that there is no ALL or normal. I think that them entering into a relationship will just be the beggining of them learning to be happy.
      I hope that one day they can be happy but they need to learn to recognise the emotion or else its all going to be serious drama all the time.

      • Yes, I do think that if they stay in character as previously established, Brennan will adapt more easily to their changing relationship. I think she will see it as their existing relationship plus sex, but the romantic, idealist Booth will have trouble adjusting to seeing her as his girlfriend and also as Bones, his partner.

        I suppose my first post sounded negative, I don’t mean it to be. I just think that the characters are too complicated to simply kiss and live happily ever after.

        Which would have made for an interesting show to watch in the last…oh…two years. But I promised I would not rant.

  5. I absolutely think they’ll be able to be relaxed around each other. We’ve seen them let go and just “be” with each other plenty of times before (drinks at the Founding Fathers, Tony and Roxie, Tommy guns anyone?) and I don’t see that changing once they’re together. Will they have disagreements? Sure, every couple does. But as rynogeny said last week, their relationship is built on a strong foundation of mutual love and respect and I believe that foundation will hold – no matter what Hart Hanson and the Bones writers throw their way.

    All that being said, I think some of the issues that are preventing them from totally relaxing with each other right now will have to be resolved BEFORE they become a couple and that’s going to help them be able to relax around each other afterwards.

  6. Interesting question! We’ve been talking recently–and some have already mentioned today–about the DB-proposed idea that Booth and Brennan have kind of been together this whole time. Angela really hit the nail on the head (she sees the truth of things, she does!) with the idea that they were in a relationship minus the sleeping together–minus the physical manifestations of romance in other words. And in this “together but not together,” “surrogate,” whatever you want to call it relationship, Booth and Brennan have learned to really be themselves in a way I don’t think they’ve ever gotten to with other people. So we know that they can relax, enjoy each other, have fun, etc. I have to say here too, I think Bikini in the Soup may have some of my now all-time favorite examples of that. 🙂 But back to the question, the can-they-relax is not the question, it’s “can they relax as a couple? And I think it’ll be a little bit hairy honestly.

    Once they’ve admitted eros into the their relationship (still LOVE that post!), I think they will eventually find their way to that level of relaxed intimacy that they’ve experienced in the past. At this point, even after Angela having brought it to Brennan’s attention, and even after Booth has experienced Brennan’s rejection almost as if it were a “break-up” romantically speaking, I don’t think they’ve ever fully understood or come to terms with quite how “together” they were–or even are now in some ways. That’s where I think it might get tricky. It’s going to take them a while to see that nothing’s really changed between them, except that they’ve given themselves physical permission to be in love. Someone mentioned that sex does change things, and it will. But I think Booth and Brennan will feel like it’s changing things more than it really is, if that makes sense? Romance and physical love will not change them fundamentally.

    But yes, I think for a while they’ll be pretty uptight about things. That’s the way Booth and Brennan are. Brennan, never having been in a super serious, mutually committed relationship (I’m going to go right out and say that Sully doesn’t approach nearly what she has/WILL have with Booth), and still being a sucker for all things rational/empirical/anthropological, will almost certainly over-analyze, and I can see her still worrying about her own perceived inadequacies. And Booth, of course Booth is going to be Booth. His insecurities have only been confirmed in his mind, which will make it harder for him to relax once they’re together as well.

    They’ll have a lot of obstacles to overcome before they can finally be them and a couple at the same time. But heavens, are they a tenacious couple of people! We’ve already seen from them both the depth of even their non-romantic commitment to one another. That commitment will only grow deeper once a romantic relationship is established. That depth of commitment might make it hard for them to lighten up and just be at first, but interestingly enough, it’s the same thing that will hold them together until they do learn that nothing’s changed, they’re still them, and they can just be together. Oh dear, they are a beautiful mess… 🙂

  7. They’ve already gone through so much together, much more than an average couple will ever go through, and they’re still invested in each other-probably more so now than they ever were. So yeah, I’m a firm believer that a full relationship will work between them and that it will be more relaxed than it is now, somewhat along the lines of the coma dream. Will it be a fairy tale of perfection? No-I think they both value their relationship too much to ever slack around important issues because slacking is the beginning of not caring, but I do think that they will both be flexible enough make changes to themselves so that they can better accomodate each other’s needs. This is why I think (Oh please, please!) that Brennan will marry Booth-not because this is the only tie he will accept, but because she loves him and knows this will make him happy. Just as I think Booth will continue to let her be a full partner in terms of taking big risks, because she won’t be satisfied staying on the sidelines. It may kill him to let her do it, but he will.

    As to Booth’s perceived neediness, knowing that someone loves him, the real him, fully enough to commit to him will make a huge part of his insecurities go away. And her work habits? When she has someone to come home to, to openly give her affection at the end of every day, I imagine she’ll be more inclined to leave work just a little bit earlier. Just like in the dream; still partners, still working hard, but cuddling up at the end of the day. The relaxed aspect will come naturally with greater intimacy. Part of the reason they’re always walking on pins and needles now is that they don’t really know where they stand with each other; their position keeps changing and makes every little move they make into a chess match. Once the mutual choice has been made to truly be with each other and to define what they have, life should get a little simpler. Can’t wait!

  8. The key is going to be communication between them– not the perceptions of two people who have been together for a while as a non-couple/couple– but as true communication. As maria points out, they are on pins and needles with one another because they never really know where they stand. I think relaxing is going to involve more than just a physical relationship; it will involve a full commitment to making it work. And that’s going to involve being able to talk about what is really at risk, what is really important, what is really the issue. They are experts at talking around the issues or ignoring them with the hope that it won’t interfere with whatever it is they are doing.

    We know that Booth is going to need reassurance which is NOT always Brennan’s strong suit. Yes, she has complimented her interns and Booth, but will she be able to read Booth and know every time he needs to be comforted or reassured? We know that Brennan doesn’t always express her emotions (or understand her emotions) with the same kind of clarity as do others; will Booth be willing to wait her out or have the patience to help her to understand them?

    My guess is that their positions on so many things are radically different, but something they might compromise on for the other. But all of it will boil down to communication. Eventually they are going to have to open up and unlock the floodgates and talk to one another. Once that occurs, there are going to many instances when they won’t really understand the other (or want to understand), but they are going to need to open up about so much that has gone on between them.

    One more point: I don’t think TPTB want them to be completely relaxed with one another because, frankly, conflict makes story. Without conflict, there will be no Booth, no Brennan, no show.

  9. I love everyone’s posts today. I just have to say how excited I am to see these two together someday (soon?!).
    I agree that the tension will never entirely go away (and who would want it to?). Booth is, as we’ve discussed before, so big on making relationships work. He puts a lot of effort into it. He’s also scared of pushing Brennan away, which of course is why he waited so long to begin with, so he’ll probably walk on eggshells. It will be really interesting to watch him navigate that balance between the doting boyfriend he wants to be and the fear that he’ll make Brennan feel smothered.
    (Sidenote: calling Booth a boyfriend seems wrong. He’s all man.)

    For some reason, I see Brennan relaxing into the relationship more easily than Booth does. I’m not saying she’ll turn all lovey-dovey, but she’s got such an incredible comfort level with Booth. Her main tension right now is an inner tension: can she give him what he needs? Can she trust him to reciprocate and not abandon her? We’ve already seen her start to realize that the answer will always be yes. She would never let herself be with him until she’s SURE that she has what it takes, so after she’s taken that leap, I imagine she’ll be pretty open. In her own way, she’ll be really romantic. It’ll just be her own strong, smart, Brennan-y way.

    I CANNOT WAIT.
    But of course, I know that I can. We all can, because we have. And while I understand people’s frustrations, I honestly feel like the writers haven’t just been putting up obstacles for the sake of putting them up. Everything has felt pretty organic to the characters, as far as I’m concerned. They take things slowly, and all of these frustrating, heartcrushing events in the past two seasons have been necessary. They were never just going to fall into a relationship. This is what had to happen to eventually push these two broken people together.

    • I agree with you. The story is playing out as it needs to. It is making nervous wrecks out of some of us; but, that is why this story is so good. Most of us want Booth and Brennan to be together; but, since we are dealing with people with major issues, it was never going to be easy. Gosh, I sure would like them to get together before the end of this season and then next season get to watch Brennan and Booth work out what it means to be a couple and partners at work. Wow the bickering could be intense. I just love it when they bicker.

    • So true about the necessity of current events happening in order for B/B to get together in a way that feels real. Would the two people we saw the first season have really been able to make a relationship work? They were so brittle, so mistrustful six years ago; I don’t see them going beyond the physical, let alone having it last. The people we see now? Definitely, I could see a lasting romantic relationship there. I can’t think of another show where I’ve seen the main characters change so much over time and I really feel that we’ve been privileged to have seen the writers’ vision of what these two people could become unfold right before our very eyes, although I know others might disagree. Their evolution has felt “organic” to me, as HH likes to say. Sometimes it has hurt, but I still think we’ve been lucky not to have had things hurried along for the wrong reasons.

  10. I think Booth and Brennan will ultimately be able to relax around each other, but it’s going to take some work – patience, trust, and love. I feel like it won’t happen until they both come to the realization that they will never leave or abandon each other. Does that make sense? I know it seems like they have deep trust and faith in each other – we’ve seen them reiterate this many times in the show, but that was all about their partnership, not necessarily about their relationship, and certainly not their romantic relationship.

    I think Booth will be able to relax around Brennan and just “be” when he knows for sure she’s not going anywhere, when he knows in his heart that she is HIS and that it’s a 30-50 year thing, regardless of any contractual obligations, and I think Brennan will do the same when she knows/realizes that Booth will never leave her. They’re already there, they just need to actually see it to believe it, or rather, they need to physically prove it and gather their love and commitment evidence from each other. 🙂

  11. This thought always worries me, because I think it may be the only part of B&B that will keep the apart… and I want them together!!haha But i think they could overcome it, once they were together I don’t think that intensity would be there ( i mean not as much as it is now), i think it would be replace by the love that the both of them aren’t completely free to share at the moment.

    The post on all of the great times B&B have had out of DC got me thinking. The times when they are most relaxed around eachother would probably have to be when they are pretending to be something else, where their character’s “lines” aren’t as strict as their own or just when they are freed from the stress of DC and of their real lives and they get to just live a little. I think this is what will happen when they finally get together. They’ll have a new character to put on, another hat, and they’ll be so free. That’s my opinion anyway.

  12. I can see them relaxing and becoming a happy couple. Now that doesn’t mean I can see them not bickering; I think they’ll always bicker. I do believe that they do have a very real trust in each other. and that if they reach the point that they both commit to the other they would be able to enjoy being together without holding back.

    I think a lot of Brennan’s spouting her accomplishments and prideful attitude can be explained by the lack of praise she would have achieved once her family abandoned her. It’s like if she didn’t praise herself no one else would. So he had to sing her own praises to make sure others were aware of them. Once she were in a stable intimate relationship with Booth she wouldn’t feel the need to do that all of the time because she’d know that he knows just how wonderful she is.

    As for Booth I think that Brennan is the only person that he might be able to relax his need to be married, that if she can just commit to a monogamous relationship with him, he’d be able to relax enough to take that (and I think this season has shown Brennan how much marriage means to Booth and she’ll be able to give him that). I just think that the simple act of her committing to him (ha…as if that’s simple) would give him back so much confidence that he just wouldn’t be as needy as he’s seemed to many recently.
    I know what I mean to say and in my mind it sounds all so logical, but trying to put it into words here I’m not sure I’m really conveying what I mean.

  13. like many of you guys metioned, i think they are going to be capable of relaxing once theyre together. However, i dont think the will be relaxed all the time because they need some sort of conflict fopor the show to continues. I think that conflict or just one part of that conflict is brennan agreeing to get married.

    in one episode (i forgot which one) she mentioned that she wasnt married because she never found a reason to and i think Booth will be that reason- even though she might fight it a little at first.

    overall i think it will be fun and interesting to see them together because i do think they will relax when theyre at home, when theyre alone -just like the undercover/ away from DC episodes but there will obviously be some bickering like always.

    I like how smeone mentioned that once theyre together, they will take a different personality amost just like they did in vegas or at the circus and will feel more free and everythng. would trully love that and for them when they are at the lab to be able to just look at eachother and smile without worrying that people see them because they are already together. i would love to see them have a passionate kiss without any conflict- just them kissing because they cant resist eachother. Im strating to stary a littlebit off topic rigtt now so ill stop haha.

  14. Oooooooooooooooooooh…..this is one hell of a question!

    For me i think at the beginning of the relationship things will probably be the same. They will still be…careful with one another. Not tense but on guard, you know? They’ll be trying desperately to make it work that it’ll take some time for them to realise they can just be.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes a massive event…or a massive relationship related argument for them to finally realise they can relax with one another and still make the other happy. Does tha make sense? Like after they’ve had that big fight, the kind where one storms out on the other, they will actually realise that it can work. Because the person always comes back. You argue, you fight, you get mad…but you stay.

    That for me will make the difference. I think to start there will be that fear that one wrong move and the other will go running….they just have to get past that one moment and all will be ok. More than ok.

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