Bones Theory

Sweet Bones Disposition: A Love

30 Comments

Good morning (if it’s even still morning where you live!)

One thing I’ve always associated with love, when it comes to Booth, is hope. He’s not the only one like that; a lot of us can attribute both of those things together. But with Rebecca, I always thought it was that he hoped he was enough–that he was a good enough father, good enough that she would want him enough, that he was enough to be able to ‘make’ it work.

And with Hannah, there was also hope, but maybe a different kind. He hoped he was over Brennan. He hoped he could love again. He hoped he could compartmentalize enough to love one woman and be partners with another. He hoped, again, that he could make it work.

With Brennan, I think the hope was there too (and haha, you are all thinking…why is she still talking about hope?? Well, I’m getting there, I’m getting there!), but there was less of the need to make it work.

For me, that shows that where Brennan is concerned (compared to the other two), he’s the most vulnerable. On the surface, it doesn’t seem like that would be the case. After all, both of those other two women have heard “I love you” from him. Both have seen him naked (okay, okay…Brennan has too, but not in the same way. Not in an “I want you to see me naked, so here I am…naked” kind of way), both have a part of him that Brennan does not yet. Brennan has part of him that the others don’t (and won’t ever) have of him either, of course. And I think part of THAT part that Brennan has is the ‘strong’ love.

Again on the surface, it doesn’t seem to line up. How does Brennan have the ‘strong’ love if Booth was using almost all of his strength toward loving Hannah, and presumably Rebecca (at one point)?

Well, what if Booth was an impervious substance, but when Brennan, he’s a strong substance? Did Booth need some imperviousness when it came to Brennan, do you think? Was he too malleable? Too penetrable?  I kind of think…yes.

The way I see it, after their conversation in his apartment…

…Booth was saying to Brennan that he wanted to love her because of love. That he didn’t want to love her because it was the right thing to do, that he didn’t want to love her to get over being hurt or angry or for any of those reasons, but that he wanted to love because of love.

Not that hope is a bad thing, and I sort of love that they both are on the ‘hope and patience’ train, bound for eventually-land. 🙂

I just think Booth has always attributed love to something he had to earn and then work really hard to maintain/keep. And while there is certainly some merit to the working hard part of it, I think he’s learning that he’s lovable…just as he is (not to get all Bridget Jonesy on us!).

For Brennan, she’s been more of the type to feel she doesn’t necessarily believe in love, or the ‘power’ of it. It’s like when people argue for the existence of God and say that though we can’t see him, we can see the effects of him, like we can’t see the wind, but can feel the effects of the wind. Brennan is beginning to feel and see the effects of love, and all kinds, like Rynogeny talked about in her Love post. She also has mentioned a few times that she expects/expected to be alone. She’s one of those people who doesn’t get to be in a family, she tells Booth in season two. Or she’s just one of those people who’s alone, she also tells him after a particularly bad date. And this season, we see her struggling with that. She was frustrated when people attributed alone-ness with loneliness, and she insisted they are not the same thing. She told Angela that she was alone, and it was…just as she expected.

But, when she’s talking with Booth in his apartment, it’s almost as if she is alone with him in her alone-ness. I’m on a roll with things that don’t make sense, haha, but hear me out.

She’s still not saying “I deserve to be loved by Booth because of ___________ or ___________” or anything that she has ‘done’. She’s being deliberate, and she will likely always be deliberate. But she’s deliberately hanging back and also deliberately making herself known. It’s not defiant; it’s deliberate.

I’m sort of getting myself into a thought tangle here, so I’m going to stop and just say this: Though I believe Booth and Brennan have loved one another, in various stages and degrees, for many years, for the first time, they are actually on the same page, love-wise. And it’s a page that is not free from the work that comes with commitment, but is free from striving, which both attributed to love.

It’s sort of free from hope as well. Not that they can’t wish for good things to happen, and they both did when they wrote down their ‘dates’, but it’s free from unrealistic expectations disguised as hope, I guess.

Thoughts from you?

I’ll see you tomorrow with the scene study from The *a* in the **** with Booth in the ***** p*** ***r*!! WOOOOO!!!!

Peace, Love & Bones

~S

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30 thoughts on “Sweet Bones Disposition: A Love

  1. Kind of OT. Do you have the right number of asterisks after the p in your tease about tomorrow.

    Yes, I did just spend 10 minutes trying to figure it out. 😉

  2. You do bring up some interesting points.

    Booth as impervious: Yes. He spent the better part of the season trying to build up a shell to maintain a distance from Brennan. If he didn’t feel anything, then he wouldn’t need to create that barrier.

    Booth just wanting to love for love’s sake: Yes. There’s no child. There’s no obligation (she came all the way from Afghanistan, gave up her job, and flew into his arms). There’s only this woman that he’s loved in various ways, in various degrees over the years. He doesn’t want it to be a gamble. He doesn’t want it to be an obligation of some sort. He loves this woman who has been at his side for so long, who has given him hope and crushed it, who has given him renewed hope. And there’s no end goal here of marriage. Just being with her. Just loving her. Just being loved by her.

    Booth as an evidence gatherer: Yes. He’s got to see that this woman who has infuriated him, rejected him and cared for him also loves him in her own way. He knows just how hurt he was by Brennan’s rejection and he has to know just how hurt she felt watching him with Hannah and feeling the sting of his rejection. Yet, there she is. Bringing him a Tommy gun so he can play on St. Valentine’s Day. Telling him she trusts him and is standing beside him “as always.” Knowing him so well that she can do little things to make his body feel better (don’t go there) and make him feel better.

    Booth as the cautious man when it comes to love: Yes. He’s hurt. He’s angry. He’s uncertain if he can corral his beliefs and align them with hers or compromise his to some extent to be with her. Not that his gambling days are over– a relationship with Brennan has the potential to be more work than either of them want. Both of them are going to be butting heads on some issues, but they’ve managed to work out some of those things in the past. But he’s going into this in a cautious manner. Probably safer and smarter than what he’s done in the past.

    Booth as a man of hope: Yes, but not lately. Certainly burning the date is the act of a hopeful man. But his trashing of St. V’s day and his questions about Bones regarding Broadsky clearly establish a strong sense of doubt in the man. He doubts the value of love and he doubts himself when his partner questions him regarding Broadsky. His foundation has been rattled and hope has been banished for a while. But even the stadium seats offer a measure of hope of recapturing something he lost. A metaphor for what he’s lost with Brennan? Hope, for Booth, springs eternal. He has every reason to reclaim hope because Brennan is not backing down or backing away. She’s saying yes to more than just a possibility. For her, it’s a probablity and for Booth it gives him (and us) reason to hope.

  3. In terms of hope, I think Brennan neatly distills her attitude in Boy in the Tree, season 1. Everyone wants the crime to be a homicide, not a suicide, for various reasons. Angela asks Brennan if she hasn’t ever wanted something to be true, even if it did not appear to be so.

    Brennan says, yes, sure, she has wanted and even *hoped* things to be true, but that does not stop her from accepting the evidence that tells her it isn’t.

    Booth has always been an optimist, but in the past he so invested in what he hoped to be true, he ignored the signs that it wasn’t true (the proposal!). Brennan, in the past, could hope, but she never allowed herself to be motivated by that hope. She still saw all the potential problems and evidence to the contrary.

    In Blackout, we see them progressing toward each other. Booth is hopeful, but realistically acknowledging his issues that he needs to work on. The easy thing to do would be to go right into a relationship with Brennan, but he’s taking the time to make sure he’s got his head on straight. Brennan, for her part, is willing to participate in his little ritual; she is able to let herself enjoy and indulge in hope.

    That was an essay I wanted to write for you, but I guess I just summed it up there.

  4. I just can’t ever be as succinct as I want — must add that the one time Booth had no hope is the time it would have served him best!

    After the 100th I think Booth still had hope Brennan would change her mind. Catherine is nothing really, he let’s Brennan know she’s his first choice, always.

    But in the finale, he is too crushed to even hug her..his hope is dead. And its still dead in Mastodon, because he assumes Brennan hasn’t changed. I firmly believe that Booth never saw Hannah as more than a war zone fling until she came to DC. When he shows Brennan the picture its to say “I’ve moved on”. He’s so busy proving that — and so out of hope — that he doesn’t see the ways Brennan is showing that she has changed and is reconsidering. If he still had his hope…well he might have told Hannah to get a nice hotel and enjoy her new job, bye!

    You have to have *some* hope.

  5. When I viewed the ending scene in the blizzard episode, I only saw two miserable people feeling alone, together. I never got a sense of hope. As a viewer, I am still not feeling the hope for Booth and Brennan. The past couple of days I’ve decided that the pilot Booth and the pilot Brennan were much happier people. Do I feel they are better off now after knowing each other? Not really. I feel they were way more interesting characters then, than the Booth and Brennan I watched in the last episode. Do I feel hope after their talk in Booth’s apartment. Not really. I don’t see season six Booth and Brennan being all that compatible, or all that good for each other. Where there used to be chemistry and fire between them, I now see them more as siblings and friends only. I don’t see that close connection or interest in each other that used to be there. I don’t see what these season six character’s would find all that attractive about each other. The writing and acting are only telling me what they want me to see not showing it to me. Brennan is more meek and Booth is quite cold. There really is no spark between them that tells me, as a viewer, that these two should be together or why they even make sense as a viable couple anymore.

    Booth, in season six, has shown me that he never really loved Brennan. The writing at least is telling me this. Booth is all over the place with his implied love. His dialogue is all over the place and the entire storyline this season is so forced and unnatural that I don’t even think the writer’s quite know what they are attempting to convey. As a viewer, I’m lost and I know I’m not alone in my views on this. It feels like nothing has been planned and everything was changed week to week because they weren’t actually sure what they wanted to do with it. Interviews and comments have backed this up. Often in order to have hope there needs to be a plan and I just don’t feel like the producer’s or writer’s have a concrete plan or storyline planned out so, no, there is no hope for these two characters at this point.

    As a viewer, season six has erased that hope or want for me that Booth and Brennan should or ever need to get together. It really doesn’t seem all that realistic anymore that they should be a couple or that it makes sense for them to go there anymore. Honestly, I’m not liking Booth all that much anymore and Brennan is becoming quite boring. I blame this on the writing not on the character’s themselves. I really don’t see why they have to tear apart these characters so much. I would rather be watching awkward, super-smart, normal Brennan, not the robotic hyper-rational Brennan we have now. I also prefer watching old Booth, to new Booth. I feel that the story they are trying to tell could have been told and still have the characters retain what I originally liked best about them. So, maybe it is me that has lost hope and not the character at this point. My greatest hope for this season’s finale is that they pull a Dallas. That this entire season turns out to be a dream. Then maybe I can go pack to enjoying this show once again. Maybe then I’ll believe that Booth does actually like and love Brennan. That there might actually be some hope for these two. Love isn’t what I see when I now view these character, only tolerance and friendship.

    • I can feel your frustration K, I have feelings of up and downs this season too.
      But right now I still hang on to my theory, which comes more and more realistic to me. And if that would happen, I will be a happy camper.
      But you never know what the writers are trying to tell us, maybe we just don’t get it anymore or we are so set of a certain outcome and they just not going that way. But let’s just have hope everything will be eventually and love as we like to see it, will prevail.

    • I hope they don’t pull a Dallas. I had watched that show faitfully and when they pulled the Bobby in the shower stunt, I felt betrayed. I quit watching that show and never wathed it again. I don’t want to invest years into a show only to be told that what I saw didn’t matter. That is a cop out and very insulting.

      • I dislike this season so much. The only way I feel I’ll ever be able to enjoy it is if it actually is a dream. This is my reality, not necessarily yours. If you are enjoying this seasson, then I am happy for you. I will continue to hope this dream theory of mine is a reality. As long as I am unhappy with where they are taking these characters and this storyline, its the only way I can endure what I am seeing each episode.

    • Didn’t mean to snap at you. All though I haven’t cared for season 6 I have hope that what I am seeing is all part of a master plan and that in the end Booth and Brennan will be together and happy. Call me an optimist and really I am when it comes to Bones. Now that Hannah is gone, things have picked up and I am starting to be happy with what I am seeing. I see the old chemistry between Booth and Brennan starting to come through again and I look forward to each new episode with great anticipation. The writers have been putting our Booth and Brennan through the wringer; but, since they started out with such flawed characters there is now way they could have ever had a fairy tale relationship. The ups and downs fit into what I think makes Booth and Brennan who they are. They have a complicated history and have to have a complicated future to finally be together. If you give it some more time, I think you will start to see the method in HH’s madness. At least that is my great HOPE.

    • While I don’t agree with your overall point, K, you did help me pin down something that has been bothering me since Blizzard.

      I had not been enjoying this season (actually anything post-100th). There were no eps that I wanted to watch again. In fact, I never want to see most of them ever again. I think that was true up to Bullet. I saw at least wistfulness in the look Booth had on his face as he watched Bones with her dad. I’d argue it was regret and longing.

      I have been more positive since then. I don’t even really see the proposal negatively, largely because it got rid of the bump in the road that was Hannah. I also saw it as gambler Booth egged on by Sweets trying to fix something in his life and going with the one he had to at that moment. So, I don’t see it as an indication that he never loved Bones or that she’s a consolation prize.

      However, although I liked Blizzard and was pleased that B&B finally seemed to be on the right path, I had a feeling of melancholy. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why that was, but your post helped me understand that.

      While I do think there is hope on both sides, I also think we saw uncertainty and fear as well. And, of course, anger with Booth. They aren’t the “happy go lucky” “kids” of the pilot. But, I think that they are still the same basic people. They are just older and wiser. Life had put both of them through the wringer long before they met. That left both of them with questions about love. Brennan concluded that it was simply chemistry and therefore not really real — or sustainable. Booth, usually an optimist in this, still believed in love, while wondering if it would ever work out for him.

      Then they met and there clearly was a spark, but it wasn’t meant to be — yet. Their relationship over the six years since they met had its ups and downs, but the lessons balanced out to be positive. Brennan began to see the possibility of love and people staying with her. Booth saw someone who he could trust, who understood him and who would always have his back. Then came the 100th and they were both back in that wringer.

      I think they are coming out of that wringer together, but older and wiser still. I think that that is what left me with a sense of melancholy. They will never be two carefree kids throwing themselves into love with abandon. But, they probably never could have been. They were both too old and had been batted around by life too much already to be two kids giddy with love.

      I have hope (which I had completely lost as many here can attest to), but it’s grown up hope. Everything will not be smooth. They will proceed cautiously, slowly, but I think that eventually will come. (And, here I’m going to give it all up, Sarah, sarajade, rynogeny, et al.) And, because of all that they’ve been through, they will be more certain and it will be sweeter in its way than if they had been two carefree kids who rushed headlong into love.

      I give up. ;-D

      • NB: I wrote this last post before reading the one just above it from Lenora.

      • This is late, and I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I wanted to say, good for you, and good point about the “grown up hope.” I always appreciated the honesty in your comments, but they always made me feel sad for you that you were having such a hard time, and–is this weird? I don’t know you, haha–I’m just so glad for you that things have started to look up for you. 🙂

        And you are so right about the grown up hope. Their whole situation is just way too loaded to expect that it’s going to be an easy, smooth road. Can they handle it? I definitely think so. Will it be easy? I don’t think it can be at this point.

        All that said, good for you!

  6. After Brennan went to Maluku, Booth must have felt that there was noone he could count on to be by his side anymore, noone he could trust to be their for him. His self esteem had taken a big hit and any hope he had of marriage was gone. When everyone came back to the Jeffersonian, Booth seemed to not see the changes in Brennan. His lack of hope seemed to cloud his view of Brennan. He didn’t notice that Brennan was more cheerful, more confident. She laughed at his jokes. She told jokes. Still the veil remained between Booth and Brennan. Then Hannah showed up and Booth saw that someone had actually made life changes to be with him. Hope flaired and love bloomed. If he could not have Brennan or Rebecca, he could have Hannah. Though Hannah had told him she was a nomad who could not settle down with anyone, she negated what she said by the things she did. She got a job that allowed her to be near him. She moved in with him. She tried to get closer to Parker. She did the girlfriend thing.

    When Booth and Hannah moved in together, Booth worked oh so hard to make that relationship work. He tried to do everything possible to be the perfect boyfriend. He had hope again and he put a lot of this hope into his relationship with Hannah. He so wanted this relationship to work. He really didn’t understand how or why his relationships with Rebecca and Brennan did not come to fruitation but he thought if he became the perfect boyfriend for Hannah, then he would achieve what he wanted. Marriage with someone he loved. Then ready or not, Booth proposed to Hannah. The shock and anger he felt about Hannah is understandable. Her “no” absolutely destroyed any hope he had that his future would inlcude marriage. If being the perfect boyfriend is not good enough, then he really does not understand what he has to do to get what he wants.

    Booth is now full of anger. The only positive thing he has see happen lately is that given the choice, stay or go, Brennan stayed. When he felt that there was no one left to rely on in this world, Brennan stepped forward and said she would stay. The veil that existed between Booth and Brennan is starting to shred. He sees that she does like him, maybe love him. He doesn’t know what kind of love it is, friendship? Partnership? Possible lover? He doesn’t know; but, he does see that Brennan is loyal to him, will stay by his side and yes love him. Hope may be seeping back into his soul. It may take awhile; but, hope may yet allow Booth to persue Brennan again.

    His anger though disturbing to Brennan is something she thinks she can deal with. The anger is not aimed at her so this gives her hope that any plan she has to get Booth to see that a future together is possible is real. Though Booth has lost most of his hope again, Brennan has gained hope. Since DITP, she has realized that love is possible with someone. She has seen what love has done to Booth and still she thinks that love may be worth the risk. Committing herself to someone will not change who she is. It not make her less than she is.

    • Leonora, your article made me feel good. I never completely disliked Season VI, but some episodes or let’s say some things in an episode made me a bit upset and depressed. But your writing about Booth and Brennan makes a lot of sense. They are older now and after a lot of hurt, it is not so easy to get together again so quickly. But I can see that things are happen and hopefully soon we can all breathe in relive.
      I just could not think that after 5 years of telling us a love story, the writers will all dismiss this and let us hang up-side down crying.
      Also, every episode is about a theme, which correspond towards Booth and Brennan and I think this means, that both are learning things from these episodes, which they can put towards understanding their personal life and question they have. Like “DDitM” were Brennan finds out how much she has hurt Booth by rejecting him, or “The couple in the cave”, she can see that even with a different background people find love together. And so on and on. Look back to every episode and you can find things. Too bad, I had to eliminate some episodes already, because not enough space on my DVR.
      On a really good not: “It is spring now and Love is in the air!”

  7. I think that banking on the entire season being a dream is pretty futile, sorry.

    The chances of that happening are miniscule at best.

    I am not happy with all that happened this season but it did happen. That is a fact. Hating it won’t undo it.

    Our choices are to either find meaning in what happened or keep hating it. Frankly I don’t understand why people watch a show they hate. And I’m done wallowing in the hate.

    The show is what it is. We all have the choice to take or leave it. The one thing we cannot do is make it turn out the way we want.

    • Agreeing with everything this show is doing isn’t a requirement for being a viewer. At least I don’t think it is. I don’t feel like I should have to put a positive spin on every episode, just because it doesn’t make sense to me. This is not why I originally fell in love with Bones or why I continue to watch it season to season.

      This is called Bones Theory. So, my theory is I hope this season is a dream. It might be futile, but who does it hurt? I love Bones, I just happen to really dislike this season. Also, I don’t feel like I should have to stop watching Bones just because this season isn’t going the way I wished it would, or that I’m now unhappy with how the character are portrayed. I wouldn’t stop eating chocolate just because I had a bad piece. I’d just continue to try another piece hoping it’ll taste better the next time. That’s just the type of person I am. I don’t give up just because I don’t like something or its not to my liking. I’m not liking Brennan and Booth right now. It doesn’t mean I won’t like them better after watching the next episode.

      I believe that every viewpoint should be accepted as being heartfelt and true to that person. Telling posters they should stop watching this show or stop giving their honest opinion is not allowing opposing viewpoints to be heard. I feel this is wrong. I say this with the utmost respect for those who give their views here as well as on other sites. Every viewpoint should be allowed to be heard without fear of being personally singled out. I don’t ask others to believe what I believe or to see things my way. I just think that everyone deserves to be be heard. This is not meant to offend anyone it is just something I felt I had to say.

      • I can only speak for myself, but the viewpoint that the show stinks and is horrible and everybody hates it is all over virtually every other Bones fan forum. This is one of the few places I can come without having to scroll through tons of negative comments and talk to other people who have a positive attitude. So yes, I reacted passionately to seeing my one safe place “invaded” so to speak by more negativity.

        I’m not offended, just tired.

  8. I like what you’re asking about Booth’s vulnerability and his belief that he has to prove his lovability. What I saw with Hannah was a man who was trying very hard to be perfect, to be worthy of her choice to follow him. There was genuine feeling there, but the relationship itself was all fake, built on a weak foundation (as Sweets pointed out.)

    I think the Hannah arc had several purposes, but one of them was, very ironically, to show Brennan that she could love him. I don’t think she knew she was in love with him in the 100th, because she was desperate not to be, for a number of reasons. She really, really didn’t want what she felt for him to be the kind of love that would require a change from her safe existence. But another reason was that, no, she didn’t think she could meet his needs.

    And then she watches Hannah, who, as was pointed out last fall, should have been perfect for him. She doesn’t have the fears and insecurities Brennan has, etc. And what did Brennan see? I think all season she was seeing that she loved him more than Hannah, even if she still wasn’t calling it love. From knowing the perfect gift to knowing him well enough to warn Hannah he’d give himself to her fully, even to being more concerned for him than Hannah was when she was shot. And then, in the end, Hannah hurt him.

    Brennan loves him when he’s not trying to earn her love, and by letting her know that he still wants her love – if not right now, eventually – I think she’s seeing that the same thing is true for her. He doesn’t need to work to earn her love and she doesn’t need to be other than she is to be perfect for him.

    • Yes, I definitely agree with you about the ironic purpose of the Hannah arc. In a way, I’m glad it happened, in spite of some things I still don’t understand. I admit I would rather have been informed about it in hearing than having to witness it myself. I also breathe a sigh of relief for them (the writers) not putting too much drama into the situation. Brennan didn’t get angry or try to make Booth feel guilty for his decision to move on because she said no and was practically his cheerleader for him to move on, at least initially. It wouldn’t have been fair for her to hold that against him, or his decision to make things work with Hannah, even when it started to hurt. You have to be mature and strong to do that. They could both be mad at each other for various reasons, but since they’ve both made missteps, I think they’d rather forgive each other in order to be forgiven and move on.

      • Yes, I too see the value of the Hannah arc, although I didn’t enjoy watching it. I suspect Brennan feels that way too!

        Hannah was good for both of them. Booth has always had personal demons to resolve; Hannah didn’t create them by her leaving, she only brought them to the surface. Just as she did with Brennan’s fear of not being able to love properly, as rynogney so beautifully stated above.

        Hannah served a valuable purpose and I’d say that the relationship B&B will have now will be healthier and stronger than one they would have had in season 5.

        and ps. I am va32h on ff.net!

      • Haha! That’s so funny! I’ve read all your stories, and I think they’re great! It totally makes sense why I like your comments on here, too.

    • I love when people can explain to me the deeper parts of Brennan.
      You’ve done a very good job! THANK YOU!

    • Thanks!

  9. “it’s free from unrealistic expectations disguised as hope”
    Hmmm, wow. I like that.
    I know people think that too much time has passed, and question how can their feelings still be there after all this time. But in my opinion, they are still there BECAUSE of all that time, and in fact have gotten stronger because of what they have withstood. More reflection has been done by both of them on what they want out of life, and will be pursued deliberately and carefully. Whether you believe Booth was in love with Brennan before or not (because people make great arguments for both views), this time around, we will know it’s the real deal. I think there’s beauty in the story of a love that was almost lost, but was given a second chance.

    va32h had this quote on one of her stories on FF:
    A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though (s)he knows you are slightly cracked. -Bernard Meltzer

    I thought it was so fitting for Booth and Brennan, especially after Brennan’s “you are good…I’m standing right here beside you” talk. Even from this site alone, one could list all the faults and weaknesses of Booth or Brennan. Not that they are blind to them, but they are somehow able to look past all that and see the other’s best self. I believe that is how they push each other to be better people. I do consider them equals on this matter. The way they trust and have faith in each other is amazing; if some of that has been lost, it will be regained.

    • Wouldn’t it be nice to feel that total acceptance all the time by the people in our lives who say they love us? I suppose that is a little unfair. But it sure would be nice.

  10. “it’s free from unrealistic expectations disguised as hope”
    I’m with C-bones- this was an excellent point.
    At some point, in our mature love, we have to let go of expectations and just kinda, well, enjoy the ride. I’m not as eloquent as the rest of you, and although I appreciate it, I’m not that adept at psychology. I guess I just go by my heart and experiences. I’ve been married for 8 1/2 years now. I finally feel like I’m in a place where I can appreciate my husband’s love. We mutually accept each other with a deep love. For the good parts and the bad. At one time I had a hope for our marriage, for him, that was full of expectations. Now, I enjoy our relationship and am pleasantly surprised by him from time to time. The joy I have in seeing him leaves me open to being caught off guard by something new I learn from him. Which is quite exciting! And I hope he doesn’t feel he has to live up to a certain image I have for him/his role in our marriage.

    When you talk above about the hope being gone, what I actually see is that they are backing off any expectations they have for/of each other (or themselves) and just enjoying getting to know each other (Hello? ‘I’d love to see the Polynesian War seminar’- yeah, right!) 😀 They’re just being.; being what they’ve always been, with freedom to enjoy it.

    Hope is a great thing, don’t get me wrong. But as you so rightly said, it can often be a mask for expectations. And with these two, those expectations are more often of themselves and can bear down on them like the weight of the world. Which is not ultimately fair to what they want or where they can grow from here.

  11. *nods in agreement because i have no idea what any of that meant but it sounded good*

    😛

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