Bones Theory

Thursday Talk: What’s Sex Got To Do With It?


Good morning,

Okay, show of hands…who still sometimes feels like Thursdays are BONES days? I know I do. Or worse…after an episode airs, I keep thinking the *next* day is Friday. Tuesdays have not been kind to me  🙂  . Kidding, kidding.

I mentioned in my review that after the premiere, I started thinking about Booth and how he uses sex to sort of smooth over issues maybe he doesn’t want to address. It seemed clear when Brennan said she was sorry for the pain she caused him, and he didn’t really reply except to hitch her up onto the washer.  I admitted it and said I attributed that quality of his in season six to the troublesome ‘lack of true communication/intimacy’ nature of his relationship with Hannah, but now with Brennan in season 8, I want it to be because he just loves her so much and can’t keep his hands off of her. Hahaha, I know, I know…I’m a hypocrite, but yeah, I’m over it.

I meant to do this discussion last Thursday, but didn’t get to it and then I was so bummed when the episode actually sort of went there, because like any good fandom blogger, I want to be right… BUT I REALLY WANT TO BE FIRST! Hahahaha, again, kidding. Sort of. Okay, moving on.

Anyhiz, who am I to complain when the show has its characters deal with their issues? I really am glad that Booth said sex wasn’t the problem, but the solution , because I think that does make sense for B&B. It’s not so much that I think they weren’t dealing with their issues and were just falling in bed together all of the time (though…who’s complaining?), but more that I really liked that despite the lack of ‘communication’ elsewhere, everything seemed to be fine on that front. Of course, these two did the intimacy thing long before sex, so maybe that helped too. And we’ve talked here before about Booth and Brennan and their ‘love languages’ (recap, there are five: touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time), and I think one of Booth’s is touch, so it is how he shows affection. Brennan has historically separated love from sex, so I can’t imagine her having any issues having sex with Booth— okay, let’s face it…I can’t imagine any of us having issues having sex with Booth. MOVING ON AGAIN!

I thought it was interesting that both Sweets and Angela wanted to know about B&B’s sex life–Sweets questioningly assumed to Booth that it wasn’t good, while Angela was more along the ‘solution’ line with her encouragement to Brennan that B&B should be locked in a room together to ‘work it out’ and then share the juicy details. Brennan insisted they were fine–and they probably were in the sex department.

Of course…while B&B did talk things out, I am not sure if it changed how they will react to disagreements in the future. Then again, if sex isn’t the problem, it might as well be the solution and more!

What are your thoughts on this?



PS… I’ve been putting things together for the next round of Rock the Vote, and this time, I thought we would decide on the best B&B kiss. I want to make sure I remember each time they have kissed. Basically everything counts (so that time Brennan kissed Booth on the cheek in the hospital room—that counts!)…so if you can think of examples, please also leave them in the comments. Gracias!


38 thoughts on “Thursday Talk: What’s Sex Got To Do With It?

  1. I think a lot of people automatically assume that if a couple is having problems, sex is the first thing to suffer. I think that isn’t the case with B&B partly because sex is a way to communicate feelings without actually communicating in words (baby and Oh God don’t count).

    Kisses: does his kiss on the top of her head, accompanied by “I’ve got you, baby” from Harbingers count? Because gah! Love!

    • I think that’s an important point. They knew things were awkward between them but the love and need were still very much there. How can they show each other that love without having to go through the difficult task of actually airing out their issues? Well there you have it, sex is the solution, as we’ve been told many times that with these two it’s not just sex.

  2. Sarah, first of all, welcome back. I adore your writing style, “…can’t imagine any of us having issues having sex with Booth. MOVING ON AGAIN!” hehe 🙂

    Secondly, I like your love languages thought. Booth is definitely touch and words of affirmation, I think Brennan is more acts of service and gifts (ie, evidence). “Bones” has definitely touched on the physical part of the relationship being more than just the act, but emotions as well, such as making love vs. sex. And, ultimately why they didn’t sleep together during their first case and still nothing till Vincent. They always drew that line between them because even though both had superficial relationships before, they knew in the back of their minds this would mean something more if they slept together. So its a big deal to both of them. And sometimes you can show your love, even if you can’t verbalize it. So that physical connection can still be a way they can demonstrate their love, even when its emotionally complicated.

    Thirdly, kisses…basically, “steamboats” needs to definitely be on the list. And the washing machine, does that count if its just a full-on make out sesch? 😉

  3. Ok the important part first:
    kiss on the cheek in the hospital
    The Christmas kiss (The Santa in the Slush)
    The bed scene and when they were dressing in the bedroom (The End in the Beginning)
    Outside the bar and in front of the Hoover (The Parts in the Sum of the Whole)
    At the bowling alley (The Change in the Game)
    In the Kitchen (The Memories in the Shallow Grave) and in these episodes:
    The Crack in the Code, The Don’t in the Do, The Family in the Feud, The Suit on the Set, The Past in the Present
    Washing machine (The Future in the Past) and the really hot kiss at the end of The Partners in the Divorce.

    I’ll be back later.

  4. Ok, I actually had to work for a few minutes:

    Even when Brennan and Booth weren’t having sex they were making love with their eyes. It’s who they are to each other. It also means that it is part of the way they communicate; but, in this case it’s the non-verbal part of their communication. What they need to work on is their verbal communication.

    • YES to the eye sex. And they do it so well 🙂 It’s definitely an important part of their unspoken communication, and one of my favorites. David Boreanaz just does the best things with his face. The looks that they give each other are so loaded; there’s a lot that B&B understand instinctively, even when it’s never been talked about between them. Like at crime scenes–I know I’m not the only one who LOVES those looks they exchange as Booth is arresting the bad guy, or as they’re sitting with the victim’s family or in the interrogation room or any number of other investigation scenarios. They understand pain, and this is something that draws them to each other. I think they recognized it in each other long before they confessed the full weight of their childhood trauma. You can see it in their eyes.

      Even beyond that initial connection, they’ve reached the point where those looks say even more, because the two of them have talked about so much over their time together. There’s a lot that they can say physically because they’ve already said it with words. I’m sure that in the aftermath of “The Hole in the Heart,” the two of them just KNEW what sex meant for them as a couple. They’d already talked about sex vs. making love. Booth had already talked about how seriously he takes it, and Brennan had already turned him twice down because of that (in their first case, because she didn’t want to be in a serious relationship, and then later because she didn’t feel she had what it takes to be in a serious relationship). So when they did finally sleep together, they both knew what kind of covenant they were making.

      I think that’s what makes their sex different than his sex with Hannah. With Hannah, the physical relationship was all they had. They basically met each other and went at it in like a seven-minute span. It took B&B seven YEARS to get there. Hannah didn’t even seem to know about Booth’s gambling history, but it’s the first thing Booth told Brennan, before they even kissed. They have a deeper understanding, so the sex is an expression of that, as opposed to a substitute for it.

      But I agree that they need to clear up their verbal communication–it’s like they had the initial connection, then they did the talking thing and argued about everything under the sun, then they reached a point where words were basically unnecessary because WHY SPEAK WHEN EYE SEX WILL DO, and now they’re in an actual relationship and need to use words again, but they’re scared. Monday was a good start, though.

  5. Kiss: Harbingers in a Fountain – first ep post coma, when he rescues her from the scary doctor dude and holds her and kisses the top of her head. (or kiss on the top of the head when she crawls into bed with him in Hole in the Heart)

    Can’t comment yet on the other part…too swoony.

  6. All this talk about problem and solution makes me think of the immortal words of Homer Simpson, “To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems!” Just substitute “sex”, and you have Sweets and Booth’s conversation… Oh, the strange and twisted paths of my mind… 🙂

  7. Sarah My new favorite video which sums up the kisses… Glad you’re back Sarah!

  8. How about a metaphoric kiss? Booth’s speech in the pony play episode about the difference between crappy sex and making love and the way that Brennan was looking at him during it was infinitely more romantic than the forced kiss under the mistletoe in front of Caroline.

  9. The very fact that we can infer that they had sex in the motel room– no talk, no recriminations, nothing but kissing and that part is easy for them once they started to have sex. There are couples who can have sex, great sex, but don’t talk.

    To go to “Dwarf” when something is wrong in one department it shows in another. I think both Sweets and Angela expected the issues from the separation would affect that part of their relationship, but apparently that was not a problem in their communication. Wouldn’t it be horrible to think that sex was the only thing holding them together or Booth was being Mr. Gymnast in the bedroom to “prove” his love for Brennan when he was just disconnected from her otherwise?

    I wouldn’t doubt that Brennan would think that if the sex is good, we’re good. But nothing was good in their interactions and she’s not as impervious as she once was. She reacted to almost everything that he said to her. Finn’s observations just hit her hard and made her try to get perspective. If the sex was fine, then Angela’s solution wasn’t going to work at getting to the root of the problem. She had no idea about Sweets’ conversation and he probably could give her some insights because she really felt broken at that time. She wasn’t even relying on anthro crap in the last interview with the suspects. She just saw the arguing between the couple as far too close to the arguing between herself and Booth and that unnerved her.

    I can’t think of Sweets’ relationship as being anything more than sex because of how they are portrayed together. But B&B created this very intimate, very strong interconnectedness that only needed sex to deepen it. But after a while that would break down if they remained as disconnected as they were. Booth has always said that sex is meaningful for him and it would be kind of his afternoon delights with Rebecca– a chance to try to reconnect and recapture the magic, but ultimately it would fall apart and they would fall apart.

  10. Sex with Booth? Uh, no, not an issue. I’d like to add the kiss after the baptism and the forehead-to-forehead that followed, even it the end of the episode a few seconds later left my guts hanging out like that guy’s on Judas on a Pole. And Brennan’s impromptu kiss at the crime scene-Hodgins’ reaction was pretty funny.

    • Unfortunately, there was no kiss in the forehead after the baptism, unless you’re thinking of the kiss he gave Christine. He did kiss Brennan on the lips right before that though. I love all their kisses, none of them have been frivolous and meaningless, except maybe the steamboats but that was a gift to the fans and I love it for all its silliness.

    • Oh, I had almost forgotten about Brennan’s crime scene kiss. And she went for a second one! 🙂 And Booth, “Im not done!”

  11. Rock the Vote – Best Kiss? Yes please!!

  12. Sex is not the problem, it is the solution?
    We saw this before in Season 6 ( sorry but I have to bring Hannah up again). Booth never went to tell her much about himself, so sex was the solution to distract if a question would come up. Now we see that Booth likes to let Bones know, what he went through while she was gone and wants to know while their routine at home has changed. Bones is always: “Oh nothing wrong!” So when his frustration takes hold of him, Sex is the solution. But this looks almost like a band aid and really does not help much in the long run.

  13. Sex is a very important way of expressing and exploring intimacy in relationships, especially for men! There needs to be other forms of communication but certainly in the case of B&B, neither of them knew what to say and do to fix the situation/make the other feel better. They know each other really well, enough to know that there is something wrong but this part of their relationship is still new. It takes time to figure out how to talk to a partner. If all you have in your relationship is sex then that can be a problem. It can also be a problem if you have other relationship aspects but no sex (because see above: Intimacy). But Booth and Brennan have had all the other parts of the relationship for years except sex, living together and parenting so clearly they can communicate with each other. I actually liked seeing them bickering again. It is a part of who they are and how they communicate. It seemed normal. How weird would it be if they were all lovey with no conflict? I’d be worried then… 🙂 And hey, there’s a lot to be said for “F***ing it out”! We’re all adults here right? *looksnervouslyaround* 🙂

  14. B&B kisses you say?! Well here are some delightful kissing GIFs, all together for your consideration!

  15. It wasn’t until the third time watching this episode that I realized that Brennan wore two different outfits. Day 1/Outfit 1(and I thought the green/purple combo was beautiful) was the day they went to the crime scene and then had the fight in the car and at the construction site. Day 2/Outfit 2 was the Bones room scene and the ending scene at home. It was a deliberate choice by the writers, the script must have said “Day 1” and “Day 2” so the costume folks dressed them accordingly. I think it’s fun to imagine what happened that evening at their house. Did they fight and then jump into bed and have angry sex? Did they fight and go to bed in cold silence? Did Booth sleep on the couch, although I seriously doubt this one? Did they just spend the evening quietly ignoring one another?

    Also, although you just know Booth’s worse fear must have come to the forefront when Brennan told him that she is a free agent and is just fine on her own…his fear that he will lose her, he ended up hearing some pretty important things from her this episode. He got the following from Brennan:

    1. she is proud of him
    2. she loves him
    3. she is willing to do irrational things to prove it to him

    Has she ever told him she is proud of him before? I cannot recall hearing that. Pride implies a sort of possessivenes — you are proud of your spouse, or your kids, for example. Interesting.

    As for your P.S., I really wish someone would create an website that would just list all the imporant BB moments with episode numbers as a reference: kisses, I love yous, important statements to one another (I’m proud of you), important statements about one another to other people, etc. I would do it if I had time. Does such a site exist already?

    • I was thinking about that too. What exactly happened between their huge fight and next morning when Booth comes looking for her to apologize? How exactly could they go from that fight to going home together as if nothing happened? Impossible. I imagine she stayed out late at work, he took Christine home, put her to sleep and went to bed and then she came home to find him already asleep or something like that. No talking, just a lot of awkward silence between them the next morning, which must have been killing Booth, enough to go hunt her down for that lame attempt at making up.

      Speaking of which, I thought it was adorable that she thanked him for coming over to the lab.

    • As for your website idea, I think we’d need to list every single one of the 142 episodes we have so far and just describe what happened between B&B in that episode, because there is always something important going on with those two. I would do it if it didn’t mean I have to sit through the first half of season 6 again and the Sully episodes in season 2…ugh, those hurt now.

  16. Watching the above video and seeing all the great B&B moments & kisses, who would have dreamed at the end of season 5 & most of season 6, we would have such great kisses and B&B moments? So happy! 🙂

  17. First, I want to say that I feel a little bad for my husband. Watching each episode for the first time is something that we have done together since the beginning of the show, and I mention at least once an episode how adorable/hot Booth is. (Once? Who am I kidding? This episode I must have mentioned it four of five times, including questioning how a man can look so good in a t-shirt and in a simple white shirt.) Luckily, he doesn’t mind. I know because I’ve asked him several times 🙂 Besides which, he also knows that the things that I find most attractive about Booth – his strong devotion to those he loves and his playful/naughty sense of humour – are things that I appreciate in him, too. When Booth is all sweet and affectionate, I simply melt 😀 While the kisses are undoubtedly fantastic, it’s often the more subtle exchanges of love between them that get me.

    Second, there is one little thing that bothered me in this episode and this blog is the only place I can think of to discuss this where people might care. It probably belongs on a previous post more, but I only got to watch the show tonight because it was the first time that my husband and I could watch together… Brennan was presented as being rational in her assertion that Christine wouldn’t like something after one data point of evidence. However, any good scientist knows that repetition is needed for true conclusions based on the scientific method, and that changing one variable, such as Booth’s presence, can change the outcome. A sample size of one experience does not a definitive conclusion make. So really, as discussed in the previous thread, I don’t think that this was an example of Brennan being hyper-rational at all, but rather of Brennan hanging on to her experience as a “single mother”, (if you don’t count Max’s input,) needing to rely on herself and getting to make all parenting decisions on her own.

    • I was a little confused as well by Brennan’s repeated assertion that she ‘was out there on her own’. Max was taking care of her, finding them places to stay, organizing the transportation. If Max wasn’t there all the time, Brennan should have made that clear and her reactions would have been more understandable. It’s hard to credit that after six years of fighting against loving Booth, finally admitting it and living together for over a year, she could be substantively shaken by three measly months apart. Painful, yes. Lonely, yes. But she never doubted that she loved him and he loved her and that he would understand the need for the separation. After all she left him for seven months in season 6 without much of an explanation and the separation didn’t seem to bother her at all.

  18. The last couple of weeks have been totally crazy, but I’ve missed you guys. I didn’t miss Bones, but Twitter, BT, Bonesology – just couldn’t get to any of it.

    Anywho. Question (off topic because I can’t figure out where else to ask): does anyone know what the song was at the end of ep2. Sounds like it might be Bonnie Raitt, but I’d be surprised if I were right about that.

    On kisses:
    When he rescues her from the bad doc in Harbingers. It’s almost like he’s stealing that kiss. She may or may not realize that he did it. And, you know everything will be all right because he’s got her there in his arms.
    In front of Max in the bowling alley.
    I love the two at the crime scene and the look on Booth’s face when he says he’s not done.
    I don’t like the one at the Hoover. He’s so desperate. It just hurts.

    It’s amazing. For too long there were so few kisses it was easy to name them. Now, we have so many that it’s hard to remember them all. Isn’t it wonderful?

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