I wanted to take a minute to talk about the Mary situation. I know that not all of you are on Twitter or FB or other Bones blogs, so you may or may not have heard the most recent news that Mary had created an alternate backstory of Mary Turner (with husband and daughter). The truth is that the Mary I knew is still alive, and the husband and daughter did not exist. The pictures posted were taken from the websites or photojournals of other people. So “Mary T” is dead, but Mary B is still alive.
I was on vacation when the story broke, and once I got back, I immediately went to pick up the 1 year old I’ve been watching all week, so really didn’t have time to put this up until now. Additionally, I was hesitant to even bring it up again, but I am still getting many private messages of sympathy, support, and friendship, and I felt I must publicly address the issue.
First of all, thank you so much to each person who expressed condolences and support; that has been incredibly meaningful and special in a time where I was definitely hurting. I know I am out of the loop in so many ways, and to know people care about me has been tremendously eye-opening and humbling.
I heard the news on Wednesday evening, wrote up my post, published it on Thursday morning and was greatly comforted by so many of you all day on Thursday. On Thursday morning, I also received a comment on that post with a link to a facebook page. I’ve talked before about how comments with links only or multiple links get flagged for me to review. I clicked the link and there was a picture of a 10 or so year old girl. I remember thinking “This kind of looks like Chloe—that is weird, but maybe someone is spamming me or this is some conspiracy” (the amount of spam a site with “Bones” in the title gets is insane—and you REALLY don’t want to see the things people type in and then somehow get to BT, haha) and then I sent the comment to spam.
Of course, when the news came out the next morning, I remembered that link. It matched up with the information that was out there. The name of the commenter “Sharon Destiny” was a ‘first time commenter’ for BT, and I was able to trace the IP address of that post to somewhere in the Concord, North Carolina area. I did more research, in and out of the fandom, as questions swirled through my mind.
I remember when I taught school and students would tell me the craziest things. I used to think “why are you telling me this?”, but once I really listened and asked myself the question again, “what is the reason they could have to share this with me,” realized there were all kinds of reasons—it was important to them, they were lonely and just wanted to talk to *someone*, or in some cases, they were a diversion for their friend to cheat on homework or something, haha—or any possible reason. And I was reminded of that again here. “What kind of person would DO that?” I thought, heard and saw the question over and over. So I asked the question again. “What kind of situation would make a person do something like this?” I came up with several answers— insecurity, cruelty, mental illness, boredom, loneliness, escapism, or just a situation that got out of control, etc.
At that point, like all of us, I had to examine all of the evidence I had, including the interactions I’d had with Mary over the years, and match it up with possible motivations and ultimately make a decision. I respect every decision each person who knew her has made. And I knew what my gut said. Of course, when I normally talk about my gut reactions with friends and family, they look at me as if to say “Sarah, your gut is made up of rainbow glittered unicorn eyelashes” or something like that, and haha, yes, I am an optimist. This made it hard to examine all of the facts, to figure out truth vs. lies– including allowing for the general anonymity that the internet allows all of us—not that we are all pulling a ruse this intricate, but the truth is that we may be presenting our best selves—or at the very least, the selves we want the internet to see and/or that we WANT to be. And honestly, the idea that she wanted to be dead to me was a crushing blow.
Again, I knew I had to move on one way or the other. I could go round and round, trying to analyze every memory or conversation, and it was overwhelming. I did contact her, telling her how I felt about the situation, and that information will only be between me and her.
In the end, I am at peace with it all. More than anything, I am thankful for this community (and the Bones community at large) for both the private and public support. It has inspired me to be more involved and not less involved, and I am grateful.
I’m not allowing comments on this post, but feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions. I’ll answer what I can and refuse what I can’t 🙂
Talk to you soon…and remember, next week we have TWO Bones episodes!
PS…and speaking of episodes, Marisa and I went through all of the episodes and made some picks of our favorite episodes in each timeslot on each day of the week! Check it out here and weigh in!